The Autobot Rulebook
by xXBlack'BladeXx
Summary: a.k.a. The Do's, Don't's Always', and Never's of Living with the Autobots-by: Hunter, Artemis, and Bay. Hunter: Sit back, relax, read, and LEARN from our mistakes. Artemis: And you better enjoy it. Bay: 'Cuz we did all this for you. All: It was a living Pit! (Rules won't all necessarily be in chronological order and there may be some spoilers. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK!) ON HIATUS.
1. Chapter 1

** Okay, I'm doin' it! I'm gonna follow the trend and make my own Autobot rulebook! I've seen so many of these things that I finally decided to try it. So let's see how this goes. There will be seven rules on each page, and the girls will all take turns.**

** Now, without further ado, let my girls... enlighten you on what to do and what not to do when you live with giant alien robots.**

** I do not own Transformers or anything in relation, and it seriously pains me that I don't. I do own my OCs, SO DON'T STEAL THEM OR I WILL COME AFTER YOU AND MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING PIT! Enjoy. :D**

* * *

**Ch. 1**

**Hunter—1. Don't pull Tom-&-Jerry-like stunts.**

(You think it'd be common knowledge, but apparently it's not.)

(Miko wanted to see if an anvil would actually flatten someone's foot like a pancake.)

(She wanted to use Fowler as a test subject.)

(Won't lie, I was seriously tempted to let her carry it out...)

(But I'm the daughter of a Prime, so I need to be responsible even when others around me are not.)

(Besides _X-Men: Of Future Days Past_ is at the theater this weekend and I _**won't**_ miss it!)

(So I stopped her.)

(That didn't end her reign of terror for long though.)

(Instead of testing the anvil stunt, Miko decided to see if slamming someone's fingers in a piano would actually flatten them and make them crooked.)

(I don't know how she got Fowler's hands on the piano...)

(But that's not important.)

(Right now we're currently stuck with an unconscious government agent because he ran into the refrigerator door that Miko yanked open as he was chasing her for the piano thing.)

(Goodbye, X-Men—hello, cleaning duty.)

(We meet again.)

**Artemis—2. Don't show off with your superpowers.**

(At least not when you're on school property.)

(In my defense, I'm still learning my own strength.)

(I never meant to hit the tackling dummy that hard.)

(But when Bryce invited me down to watch his football practice and introduced me to the guys, I got sick of the looks.)

(I don't appreciate being looked at like a piece of aft.)

(So when I asked if I could tackle the dummy and they said 'yes' I was gonna show them that I'm so not a girl you should mess with.)

(I think... I may have let my emotions take control...)

(Instead of ending up across the field like I intended, the dummy ended up across the street and in the school gym.)

(Going through the cafeteria, the weight room, and a locker room to get there.)

(N.E.S.T. now has to pay for the damages.)

(And guess you has to give the report of _**why**_ we need $200,000?)

(I swear, Galloway makes one comment—just one—we'll be paying for his plastic surgery!)

**Bay—3. Do take into consideration the aspect of motion sickness.**

(Who'd have thought that Bumblebee could get motion sick?)

(Granted, spinnin' around in a circle at nearly quadruple digit miles per hour would make anyone sick.)

(But this is Bumblebee we're talkin' about!)

(Mr. Fastest-Thing-on-Four-Wheels!)

(It all started when 'Bee, Sari, and I got the idea to attach 'Bee's confiscated rocket-boosters to the mechanical arms on the assembly line to make our own thrill ride.)

(First step was to sneak the boosters our of Ratchet's lab and then weld them to one of the arms.)

(Sneakin' the boosters out of the lab was a thrill ride in itself, but soon our project was complete.)

('Bee was our first volunteer to test it out.)

(It was great until 'Bee called for us to stop it... and it wouldn't stop.)

(The more we tried to stop it, the faster it went.)

(I had no idea Cybertronians were capable of projectile purgin'.)

(All I can say is this.)

(I may have powers over water, but there is _**no way**_ I'm cleanin' _**that**_ up!)

**Hunter—4. Don't get experiment ideas from _Seinfeld_.**

(One would think that after the _Tom & Jerry_ style fiasco that Miko would learn.)

(At least that's what we all assumed.)

(But you know what happens when you assume.)

(My first mistake was even allowing Miko to watch the _Seinfeld_ episode with me.)

(My second mistake was not being alerted when she began wondering aloud if a giant ball of oil really would burst on impact from several stories up.)

(Before I knew it, Miko was standing atop Bulkhead's helm with a giant exercise ball of oil and was pushing it off.)

(The result probably wouldn't have been so bad if it weren't for the fact that Fowler and the boys were passing close by at the time.)

(_**SPLAT!**_—say hello to Mr. Petroleum and the Oil Slicks.)

(Several thousand lectures and apologies later, _Seinfeld_ is banned from base and Bulk, Miko, and I are all in trouble.)

(Why am _**I**_ grounded? I didn't do anything!)

(Anyway, I don't know who has the worse punishment.)

(Bulk and Miko are cleaning up the main room, and those stains won't wash out easily.)

(But I have to wash the guys' clothes.)

(I _**really**_ didn't need to know that Fowler actually has a pair of star-spangled boxer shorts.)

(Scarred. For. Life.)

**Artemis—5. Do keep eyes on the Chevy Twins at all times.**

(Especially if you're the new kid on the block.)

(I probably should've sensed trouble when Skids and Mudflaps started being unbelievably nice to me, even after 'Bee warned me about them.)

(And I should've known something was up when they volunteered to take over wash room cleaning duty for me.)

(I mean, come on, they never clean!)

(You should see their berthroom! *shudders*)

(So after training one day, I go to take a shower and the next thing I know **MY BODY ARMOR IS PINK!**)

(**PINK!**)

(Sunny and Sides say this stuff won't come off for about six weeks and they are experts in the field of paint jobs.)

(The Chevies are gonna find out that you _**never**_ frag with me!)

(Now, where's that belt-sander and paint thinner?)

**Bay—6. Always take into account powers when making a bet.**

(Nanosec was out and at it again.)

(Robbed every bank in downtown Detroit and gave the poor 'bots a run for their money [no pun intended].)

(Still, bein' me, I couldn't resist bustin' their bumpers a bit, seein' as how they're big, strong alien robots and Nanosec is a small lame-brain of a human.)

(Most of the guys took my jibs like the mechs they are, but 'Bee can never take a joke.)

(So he proposed a deal.)

(I catch Nanosec and the whole team has to do what I say for the rest of the day.)

(I wasn't about to let this chance slip away so we spit-shook on it.)

(I don't think they actually expected me to catch him.)

(But one hour later, I'd apprehended Nanosec.)

(Two words: ice block.)

(A thawing Nanosec is now back in police custody, Detroit is safe once again, and I am enjoyin' a nice meal bein' served to me by the guys.)

(Ratchet's the cook [see: _order-in_]; Bee's the busboy; Bulk's serenadin' me with my favorite music [see: _pre-recorded_]; Prowl's my waiter; and Prime is the maitre d'—all holoforms in their respective costumes.)

(After I eat, we're gonna spend the rest of the day watchin' all the movies that I like and the 'bots hate.)

(Judgin' from the death glares, trainin' is not gonna be nice on Bumblebee tomorrow.)

(I don't think I'm safe either...)

**Hunter—7. Never allow the 'Bots to watch _Days of Our Lives._**

(Apparently Jack's mom watches it and Arcee got curious about it, so she decided to check it out.)

(Now she's hooked.)

(Who could've seen _**that**_ coming?)

(The guys wanted to know what all the hullabaloo was about, so she got them in on it too and now they're all watching it.)

(But hogging the TV for an hour every afternoon isn't the worst of it.)

(The team couldn't help but realize a certain resemblance between me and that Stephano guy.)

(He's the Phoenix—I'm the Fuser; we both die and keep coming back to life.)

(Now the team won't stop calling me 'Stephano'!)

(_**Thanks, June!**_)

* * *

**Good? Bad? Yes? No? Funny? Voldshtein? Any ideas for what other rules to do? If you have some, leave a comment, and, unless you think the idea would be absolutely perfect for a certain girl, don't leave an OC name beside it. I'll decide what rule goes to whom. Yes, I'm a control freak like that. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

** I do not own Transformers or anything in relation, and it seriously pains me that I don't. I do own my OCs, SO DON'T STEAL THEM OR I WILL COME AFTER YOU AND MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING PIT! Enjoy. :D**

* * *

**Ch. 2**

**Artemis—8. Don't watch **_**Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail**_** with the 'bots.**

(Both sets of twins couldn't get why there were guys following King Arthur and his knights around while banging coconuts halves together.)

(Ratchet kept scoffing at and denouncing the scenes where people were hurt or sick.)

(Prowl tried to figure out the weight distribution between a Swallow and a coconut problem .)

(The femme's got annoyed with the Knights Who Say 'Ne'.)

(Prime's reaction was best, since he actually laughed so hard he started to cry [we were all freaked].)

('Bee annoyed everybody by playing the 'The Knights of the Round Table' song in a continuous loop for the next two days.)

(Don't tell anyone, but I dared him to do that.)

(Ironhide must have fallen into stasis several times, because I thought I heard snoring coming from his direction.)

(He perked up at the killer rabbit scene though.)

(Since then, Annabelle's stuffed bunnies and any book she possesses containing the fluffy creatures have been reduced to ash.)

(Any rabbit within fifty yards of her is blown to smithereens and stepped on for good measure.)

(And now the tot's pet rabbit Mr. Fluffy-Cottontail-Cuddlykins has gone missing.)

(It's not official yet, but the other day as I was walking through the base, I caught a whiff of something that smelled an awful lot like roasted rabbit coming from 'Hide and Chromia's quarters.)

(Poor Mr. Fluffy-Cottontail-Cuddlykins.)

**Bay—9. Never screw around with strange prototype machines.**

(And if you do, make sure you **DO NOT BREAK THEM**.)

(The Prof. has created this new Switch-a-roo machine [that's what I've dubbed it].)

(It was still in testing, but that didn't stop Swindle from breakin' in to Sumdac Tower and tryin' to jack it and sell it to his highest bidder.)

(We stopped him, but in the process 'Bee and I were thrown into the machine, causin' it to switch on and do whatever the heck it was made to before explodin'.)

('Bee and I were checked out by Ratch and cleared.)

(I think the effects were delayed though...)

(This mornin' I woke up in Bumblebee's body and he woke up in mine!)

(Now we're stuck like this until the Professor and Ratchet can put the machine back together to reverse what it did.)

('Bee, a little word of advice.)

(Think of my body as a museum exhibit.)

(**DO NOT. TOUCH. ANYTHING!**)

**[A/N This will be an actual occurrence in the series.]**

**Hunter—10. Don't use **_**Finding Nemo**_** references.**

" Hey, Mr. Grumpy-gills."

(Really not my brightest idea.)

(Bulkhead had just broken another tool of Ratchet's and he was not happy.)

(Go figure.)

(I had a lapse in judgment and let it slip.)

(Dad had to nurse my concussion because Ratch refused to.)

(Petty glitch.)

" Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim."

(Smokescreen and I had watched _Finding Nemo_ when babysitting Annabelle, and he fell in love with the 'Just Keep Swimming' song.)

(He kept humming it everywhere he went!)

(I was losing my mind!)

(Being a Hybrid and the Fuser, I'm forbidden from actually hitting the other members of Team Prime unless we're in training or if it's absolutely necessary.)

(Dad didn't see this as absolutely necessary.)

(So there was only one thing left to do.)

(After Arcee had battled Airachnid and lost once again, I convinced Smokey to go and sing it to her.)

(I told him it'd cheer her up.)

(The plan backfired a little bit, because Smokescreen no longer has blind faith in me.)

(On the bright side: he's not singing the song anymore!)

"**BUBBLES!**"

(Jack, Miko, Raf, Annabelle, and I ran around the base blathering like the bubbles fish.)

(We'd only say the word 'bubbles' and if any of the 'Bots tried to leave the room, one of us would run over, grab them, and exclaim "My bubbles!")

(Big Blue [Ultra Magnus] still gives the kids a 'WTF?' face.)

(He's completely freaked out of me.)

(Mostly because I claimed him as my bubbles.)

(And snuggled him.)

(And picked him up like a doll.)

(And ran around the base with him like that.)

(All day long.)

" First day of school! First day of school!"

(It was the first day back to school for the kids.)

(I don't go anymore since Dad pulled me out, and being the Fuser, I don't need school anyway [not _**human**_ school at least].)

(But that didn't mean I couldn't have fun with the prospect of it!)

(Bursting into his room the morning of, I started jumping all over my dad, belting out the reference.)

(The only problem was it was, like, four in the morning and he'd been up really late the night before.)

(Needless to say, Dad did not appreciate the wake up call.)

(He actually threatened to put me back in school.)

(Spoilsport.)

**Artemis—11. Never tell Ratchet that he needs sleep.**

(I admit, I sometimes have trouble watching what comes out of my mouth.)

(But I only had the mech's best interests at spark.)

(However... I wasn't in my most empathetic mood, since Ratch and I had been arguing.)

(I'd been trying to weasel about my check up and he got all touchy and things got blown all out of proportion.)

(Sick of fighting and done with him, I blurted out how he needed to rest.)

(Of course... being in the state I was... it didn't exactly come out as graceful as that...)

(It was a little bit more like... "Somebody sure needs their beauty sleep.")

(I might have mentioned something about him moving in with Oscar the Grouch because that'd be the only person who could stand him too.)

(I now suffer from a new pathological fear.)

(Wrenchophobia.)

**Bay—12. Always use Powell as a scapegoat when the chance arises.**

(Not that I'm condonin' lyin'.)

(You should always buck up and take responsibility for your own actions.)

(However... there are exceptions to every rule.)

(And I'd already had a really bad week with the press.)

(Besides, Powell was askin' for it!)

(It's his own fault all this happened because he wouldn't let us on his property to put out the fire!)

(Took Team Autobot and a whole battalion of firemen to put out the fire and keep it from spreadin' to other blocks.)

(A reporter bot hunted our team up afterwards and bombarded us with questions about why, since we were the first ones the scene, didn't we just put the fire out in the first buildin' to save most of the rest of the block.)

(Admittedly, we could've done that, even with Powell's insistence for us to stay out of it.)

(We never listen to him anyway.)

(Well... I don't at least)

(But we all kinda had our hands full at the time evacuatin' people.)

(And, personally, I didn't care if Powell's buildin' burnt down.)

(I hate the dude!)

(So I told the reporter somethin' along the lines of: "Why didn't we put it out? I'll tell ya why! Because Powell is an egotistical maniac who's animosity towards this team is more important than the safety of others! He didn't want us to put it out, and he didn't care who got hurt or killed because of it!)

(I might also have spewed somethin' about him bein' a scourge upon the race of humanity.)

(When asked what he thought of my comment, Optimus replied with: " I believe Bay put it quite nicely".)

(I love that Autobot! X3)

**Hunter—13. Do use music as an interrogation tool.**

(Team Prime had captured Soundwave and was holding him for questioning.)

(Trouble was, during the Q & A sessions, there was a lotta Q, but not so much A.)

(The team tried reasoning, threatening, and Dad even broke out one of his famous 'Stray from Megatron's Path' speeches.)

(Which was pretty awesome by the way.)

(Always epic to see Dad in action!)

(But everything ended in the same result.)

(Nothing.)

(Not so much as a peep.)

(Everyone was at their wits end when the kids and I suggested that we play annoying music until Soundwave snapped.)

(They all thought _**we'd **_snapped.)

(Thanks for the vote of confidence, guys...)

(Anyway, we plugged in Miko's iPod anyway and set our, admittedly crazy, plan into action.)

(Two hours of looped 'Party in the U.S.A.' later, Soundwave hasn't cracked yet.)

(But I guarantee you that the Decepticon surveillance officer will give in.)

(I have made it my personal mission to see that he breaks, and I always fulfill my missions.)

(So keep resisting all you want, Soundwave.)

(I've desecrated my iPod by downloading six hours worth of Justin Bieber onto it just for you.)

(Let's see who loses it first!)

*eye twitches*

**Artemis—14. Don't reference Looney Tunes.**

" Poor puddy-tat. He fall down go boom!"

(I got Optimus to say it.)

(Don't ask how because I don't even know.)

(I guess I've just got the boss 'bot wrapped around my little finger is all.)

(Everyone within earshot busted a gut laughing.)

(Well, everyone except Ratchet that is.)

(The medic thought Prime was having a nervous breakdown or something and immediately rushed him to the med bay.)

(Optimus spent several hours getting scanned and poked with needles [something he absolutely hates].)

(Needless to say he was not happy with me when he finally managed to escape.)

" I'm gonna kill that cwazy wabbit."

(I thought Ironhide would find a kindred spark in Elmer Fudd since they both have an aversion to rabbits.)

(After the "puddy-tat go boom" escapade with Prime, I was amazed I could get him to say the phrase.)

(When I say "get him to" I mean "trick".)

(No Ratchet incident this time thankfully, but 'Hide hates to be laughed at.)  
(Especially when one of the subjects laughing is his spark-mate Chromia.)

(Just don't ask what happened when I mentioned he should use it as his battle cry.)

" What's up, doc?"

(First of all, Ratchet does not like to be called 'doc'.)

(Second of all, he does not like redundant questions and I knew he was calling me into the med bay for a check up.)

(Third, eating food in the med bay is strictly prohibited, especially when you're intentionally trying to make a mess.)

(Fourth, Ratchet still hasn't forgiven me for the Oscar the Grouch comment.)

(Add it all together, my carrot got confiscated and I got wrenched.)

(Again.)

(Shocker.)

* * *

**Good? Bad? Yes? No? Funny? Voldshtein? Any ideas for what other rules to do? If you have some, leave a comment, and, unless you think the idea would be absolutely perfect for a certain girl, don't leave an OC name beside it. I'll decide what rule goes to whom. Yes, I'm a control freak like that. :)**


	3. Chapter 3

** I do not own Transformers or anything in relation, and it seriously pains me that I don't. I do own my OCs, SO DON'T STEAL THEM OR I WILL COME AFTER YOU AND MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING PIT! Enjoy. :D**

* * *

**Ch. 3**

**Bay—15. Don't break out in song.**

" Run to the hills! Run for your lives!"

(We were battlin' Starscream clones and kickin' their tailpipes.)

(Finally—after realizin' that they weren't gonna win—Slipstream called for a retreat.)

(As they were flyin' away, I got the impulse to drop to the ground, slide out on my knees and start beltin' out the Iron Maiden song.)

(Trouble was, I was still recoverin' from a bad cold and my voice wasn't at it's greatest.)

(Besides, I've never been real good at imitatin' the epicness of Bruce Dickinson's voice.)

(So I kinda butchered the song.)

(Ratchet made the comment that next time trouble comes up they should just save time and throw me out on the battlefield to start singin' in order to scare the perps away.)

(Aft.)

" I don't care so why pretend? Wake me when your lecture ends."

(I love Optimus to death, but his 'We're All Cogs in a Great Big Autobot Machine' speech can get real old real quick.)

(And I was already bored from lack of brain stimulation [i.e. bad guy thrashin'] that day.)

(I was just tryin' to liven the meetin' up, and Skillet can liven anythin' up.)

(Everybody else thought it was funny.)

(Even Prowl chuckled!)

(Prime, however, wasn't half as chipper about it.)

(He put me in a time-out.)

(Accordin' to the last check on the clock, my five minutes was almost up.)

(Assumin', of course, that Optimus is usin' _**Earth**_-based minutes...)

" I'm sexy and I know it!"

('Bee keeps singin' his new theme song everywhere he goes.)

(I regret ever havin' brought it into base!)

" My heart is broken!"

(Sari and I both love Evanescence and were havin' a sing-off to see who could sing them better.)

(Unfortunately, we didn't tell Bulkhead that.)

(He heard us, kinda flipped, and, since Ratchet wasn't around at the time, took matters into his own hands.)

(The big oaf doesn't know much about medical stuff, and couldn't scan us or do tests, so he resorted to the one thing he could think of.)

(Layerin' bandage after bandage after bandage after bandage at the center of our chests.)

(It's sweet that he cares that much about us.)

(What's not sweet is that Sari and I now have to rip these bandages off ourselves and they're the kind with the real heavy duty adhesive.)

(Good news is we won't have to worry about chest hair now.)

*eye roll*

**Hunter—16. Never start a tickle war.**

(Especially not with a Prime.)

(Don't let their calm and collected demeanor fool you, they can get very competitive.)

(A certain Optimus Prime is no exception.)

(Starting the war by sneaking up on him and attacking him while he was in a meeting with Fowler was a terrible idea.)

(That punishment was worse than anything else I've ever been through.)

(A week later and I still can't crack a smile or laugh without it hurting!)

(What's worse is Fowler keeps calling me "tickle bug" and threatening that if I'm not nicer to him he's gonna tell everybody where my ticklish spots are.)

(Yeah, well I got news for you, buddy boy.)  
(I know about the cosplaying.)

(And I have pictures.)

**Artemis—17. Always pays to have friends in high places.**

(So the other day all the older 'bots were off base for a decompressing day.)

(A.k.a, a 'Free From All the Annoying Younger 'Bots' day.)

(So it was just me and the guys, and we all decided to have a party.)

(A.k.a, a 'Yay! The Old, Responsible Fuddy-Duddies are Gone!' celebration.)

(Unfortunately, things got a little bit out of hand...)

(When I say "a little out of hand", I mean the whole hangar got trashed.)

(Big time.)

(The two sets of twins' faults.)

(You shoulda seen the looks on the vets faces when they came back to base.)

(Not pretty!)

(It goes without say that we all got in major trouble.)

(Well, all the twins did.)

(Bumblebee and I didn't.)

(That's because I'm Optimus' little treasure and I know how to use it.)

(Plus I grabbed 'Bee and we booked it out of the hangar once I sensed Prime coming and played dumb like we didn't know anything.)

(Spark bonds are life-savers!)

(So is being the best friend of the Living AllSpark, as 'Bee is coming to find out.)

(Maybe if the Chevies and Lambos were nicer to me, they wouldn't be stuck with extra cleaning duty and they'd be able to leave the base for recreational purposes too.)

(That's right, Twin Terrors.)  
(Eat your sparks out.)

**Bay—18. Never call Sentinel "Captain Asteroid Chin".**

(Or mention how great his femme legs would look in spandex tights.)

(Or sing his theme song every time he walks by.)

(It's 'Naughty, Sexy, Bitchy Me' by the way.)

(Or paint a big asteroid on his chestplate while he's in recharge.)

(I have absolutely no regrets.)

(Optimus and the team were bustin' a gasket.)

(Jazz and the twins were in stitches.)

(Ultra Magnus was on the verge of tears.)

(Sentinel just doesn't realize comic genius when he sees it.)

**Hunter—19. Don't ask dating advice from Smokescreen.**

(Jack found this out the hard way.)

(It was his first date with Sierra and he was understandably a little bit nervous, so he wanted some advice.)

(Nothing wrong with that...)

(Except for who he asked.)

(Mr. Screaming-Double-38's himself: Smokescreen.)  
(He's always talking about all these femmes he knew and met on Cybertron, so he has to know at least something about dating right?)

(Wrong!)

(Exhibit A: the mech was supposed to be a body guard for Alpha Trion.)  
(If he was doing what he was actually supposed to be doing, he wouldn't have time to hang out with all these girls.)  
(Exhibit B: the entire planet was consumed in war!)  
(Nobody is going to be dating when your entire world is literally blowing up and falling apart all around you.)

(I don't know what Smokey told Jack, but—shocker—it didn't work.)

(According to Arcee, Sierra ended up taking off with Vince, and Jack has a mark on his cheek that looks an awful lot like a hand-print.)

(All I can say is: buyer beware, Jack.)

(Buyer beware.)

**Artemis—20. Never bring chick-flicks onto base.**

(They are not permitted in any way, shape, or form.)

(At all.)

(Trust me.)

(To begin with, they're insanely stupid.)  
(And they can get you killed by Ironhide.)

(No joke.)

(Our last movie night was brutal.)

(We all watched _The Lucky One_ [gouge my eyes out!] and it ended in tears.)

(All of the women of N.E.S.T., Sarah Lennox, and Mikaela were wailing.)

(Even the femmes were bawling their optics out.)

(What the pit?!)  
(Chromia cried all night and kept Ironhide up.)

(A recharge-deprived 'Hide is even more terrifying than Megatron.)

(Chick-flicks are now banned.)

(Thank Primus!)

**Bay—21. Never watch _Freaky Friday_.**

(After the incident 'Bee and I had with the Switch-a-roo machine, this should be obvious.)

(But Sari brought the movie to the base anyway.)  
(It was supposed to be a joke, but I don't think she counted on the object of her little prank to be quickly and maliciously destroyed by one of my fireballs.)

(Accidentally of course.)

(Shocker.)

* * *

**Good? Bad? Yes? No? Funny? Voldshtein? Any ideas for what other rules to do? If you have some, leave a comment, and, unless you think the idea would be absolutely perfect for a certain girl, don't leave an OC name beside it. I'll decide what rule goes to whom. Yes, I'm a control freak like that. :)**


	4. Chapter 4

** Well, you guys didn't say stop, so here's some more!**

** Thanks for Skyress98 for #22 and #24.**

** Thanks to Alice Gone Madd for helping me with #27.**

** I do not own Transformers or anything in relation, and it seriously pains me that I don't. I do own my OCs, SO DON'T STEAL THEM OR I WILL COME AFTER YOU AND MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING PIT! Enjoy. :D**

* * *

**Ch. 4**

**Hunter—22. Don't tease the Fuser about dating a 'Con.**

(Because I'm not!)

(Just because Starscream is obsessed and in love with me, it doesn't mean I like him!)

(Why do you think I call him '_**Stalker**_scream'?)

(It's bad enough I can barely be on the internet now without worring about if he'll find me on there.)

(I've already had to change my email three times!)

(He's creepy, a freak, and I don't need constant teasing about his being my boyfriend.)

(Bulkhead learned that the hard way.)

(He was teasing me again and I snapped.)

(He'd just battled with Breakdown, so I blurted out the question of how the date went.)

(I also asked if Breakdown had let him get to second base with him yet.)

(That shut him up.)

(It also made him Ratchet-worthy grouchy and homophobic for the rest of the day.)

(Unfortunately for Bulkhead, most of the rest of the team were in the vicinity and heard my little joke.)

(Now they constantly tease him about it.)

(How's it feel, Bulk?)

(Learn from your mistakes!)

**Artemis—23. Always watch your language.**

(It's true: I'm a potty-mouth.)

(And no, Skids and Mudflaps, that does not mean that I drink out of the toilet.)

(I'm not proud of it, but I can't seem to kick it.)

(Mom gave up on me trying to quit a long time ago and, even though I cursed around my sister all the time, Gemma just never was a real potty-mouth.)  
(The same cannot be said for Annabelle.)

(The toddler is at that point where she repeats everything she hears and everything she repeats is her new favorite word.)  
(The other night I was babysitting for Sarah and Will as they went out on a date night.)

(Things were going great.)

(I played with Annabelle, fed her, gave her a bath, tucked her in bed, and began to read/sing her to sleep.)

(As I left the room I wasn't watching where I was going and stubbed my toe.)

(Hard.)

(Without thinking I yelped out the human equivalent of the word 'frag'.)

(Much to my dismay, Annabelle decided she loved the word.)

(I am currently trying to teach her a new favorite word before the Lennoxes get home.)

(Oh, it's not Will and Sarah I'm afraid of.)

(It's Ironhide.)

**Bay—24. Don't watch _Chitty Chitty Bang Bang_ with the 'bots.**

(Bulkhead was mortified by the car crash.)

(Prowl almost glitched at the aspect of Chitty being crushed and melted down.)  
(Ratchet scoffed at the toot sweets, sayin' that somethin' like that wasn't even possible.)

(Because he's such a candy connoisseur . *eye roll*)

(Bumblebee wouldn't stop goin' on and on about how he could beat Chitty in a race with all four wheels tied behind his backplate.)

(I personally would love to see that.)

(Optimus got really annoyed with the 'Chi-Chi Face' song.)

(I couldn't blame him there.)

(When Chitty started flyin', they all figured it was a 'con.)

(Sari and I had to pause the movie and talk to them for two hours before we could convince them otherwise.)

(As for their question of what Chitty actually was, we couldn't answer them.)

(Just don't ask what happened when the Child Catcher came into the picture.)

(Sari and I are currently under lock down and aren't to leave the optic-sight of the 'bots until they are absolutely sure that there's not Child Catchers around.)

(And there's a lot of creeps in Detroit.)

(This is gonna be a loooong day.)

**Hunter—25. Do keep innocents away from Ratchet.**

(Please, for the sake of everyone's peace of mind and all that is good in the world, keep your innocents away from him!)

(It all started when Sarah Lennox announced her pregnancy.)

(Annabelle started getting all curious about where babies come from.)

(For some reason she decided to turn to me for the answer.)

(I now know how Dad felt when I asked him about where sparklings come from that one time.)

(I was planning on using the old Stork or Cabbage Patch story.)

(Unfortunately Ratchet was in the room when she asked the question and answered for me...)

(He doesn't really believe in the... 'keeping children innocent' policy.)

(Thinks that the best and most productive way to teach them is to give them the Primus-honest truth so that they'll be ready for the real world.)

(Annabelle is _**six years old**_!)

(She's not going to be going out into the real world for the next twelve to thirteen years!)

(She still watches_ Barney_ for cryin' out loud!)

(I just can't wait for Annabelle to start imparting all of her new found knowledge onto her parents.)

(Good luck, Ratchet.)

(Maybe you can convince them that she learned all of that from the giant purple dinosaur of our warped imaginations.)

(That way I don't have to watch it when I baby-sit.)

**Artemis—26. Never talk like a valley girl.**

(Especially if you're a guy.)

(Us girls can get away with it for a while, but if you're a guy, not only does it make you sound stupid and annoying, it can also get you psych-evaluated.)

(By Ratchet.)

(Not a fun process.)  
(Sam and Leo would know.)  
(That was the best dare I've ever thought up!)

(And the awesome part was that it was a sarcastic comment, not an actual dare!)

**Bay—27. Do be careful when using references.**

" I see dead people."

(It was another slumber party night at the base.)

(Sari was tellin' scary stories, but no one was freaked out.)

('Cept 'Bee.)

(In a moment of dead silence I decided to whisper the quote in a really creepy voice.)

(_**That**_ sure got the 'bots scared!)

(It also got me psych-evaluated.)

(**I DIDN'T MEAN IT LITERALLY!**)

" I meant what I said, and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful 100%."

(Sari and I mentioned we should use it as our motto.)

(Prowl said we couldn't because none of us were elephants.)

(Really? Tell us more, Mr. Obvious.)

(We explained we'd substitute 'Autobot' in for 'elephant'.)

(Optimus said that wouldn't work either.)

(When I asked him why he pointed out Sentinel Prime.)

(Sari and I couldn't argue with him there.)

" The devil made me do it!"

(Bumblebee's excuse for snatchin' and tryin' to use his turbo-boosters against Blurr in a race.)

(The others thought he'd finally fried his circuits and put him under a two hour psych-evaluation.)

('Bee and Sari kept screamin' how he was fine.)

(They didn't listen.)

(I ran around him carryin' a bible.)

(And rosary beads.)

(And a crucifix.)

(Sprinklin' "holy" water on him, and screamin' out things like:)

("Come out of this 'bot!")

("The power of Christ compels you!")

(And...)

("Be gone, Satan!")

(Yeah.)

(I'm lots of help.)

" One does not simply walk into a Decepticon argument."

(Bulkhead, Bumblebee, and I stumbled upon a bickerin' Blitzwing and Lugnut.)

(The guys were all pumped for takin' them on.)

(But these two against Blizty-boy and Lug-head?)

(I don't think so.)

(They just looked at me like I was crazy [probably because I used my _Lord of the Rings_ accent] and went in with stingers and wreckin'-balls ablazin' anyway.)

(I stayed behind.)

(Someone had to be in one piece in order to call for backup.)

" I'm the Avatar, and you gotta deal with it!"

(No, I'm not really the Avatar, just a lot like it.)

(Which is why I absolutely love the show.)

(And of the two, Korra is my absolute favorite.)

(So when I got the costume for Halloween, I couldn't help but put it on and enter the main room of the base where everyone else was by kickin' down a wall.)

(The looks on their faces were priceless.)

(I can imagine that they thought the same of mine once Optimus told me that I'd have to fix the wall on my own.)

(I'm the Avatar, and I don't wanna deal with this!)

**Hunter—28. Always be cautious with your powers.**

(In my defense, I am very careful with my powers.)

(Well... okay, _**most**_ of the time I am.)

(But you can't really blame me for what happened.)

(If you had experienced and endured everything I have, you'd have terrible nightmares too!)

(And you would feel the need to defend yourself.)

(Granted, you probably wouldn't have to worry about blowing down a wall with your pyrokenesis.)

(Or nearly disintegrating whoever woke you up with it either.)

(Bumblebee still side-steps me for fear I might blow off his new legs with another fireball.)

(Everyone has learned to wake me gently.)

(And as for the walls and doors of my room?)

(Well, the guys got tired of fixing them.)

(So my metal doors have since be replaced with blast and flame resistant ones.)

(Ratchet had Fowler order several really big sheets of the stuff for the walls of my room.)

(They should be arriving next week.)

* * *

**Good? Bad? Yes? No? Funny? Voldshtein? Any ideas for what other rules to do? If you have some, leave a comment, and, unless you think the idea would be absolutely perfect for a certain girl, don't leave an OC name beside it. I'll decide what rule goes to whom. Yes, I'm a control freak like that. :)**


	5. Chapter 5

** More comin' at'cha!**

** Thanks to my DA friend HarpessDragon for #31, #33, #34, and #35.**

** Thanks to Alice Gone Madd for #30 and the last catchphrase of #32.**

** I do not own Transformers or anything in relation, and it seriously pains me that I don't. I do own my OCs, SO DON'T STEAL THEM OR I WILL COME AFTER YOU AND MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING PIT! Enjoy. :D**

* * *

**Ch. 5**

**Artemis—29. Always knock before entering a private room.**

(And invest in a 'Do not disturb' sign!)

(Please!)

(Wheeljack was missing from target practice the other day.)

(We all guessed it was because he was sleeping in.)  
(When I say "sleeping in" I mean "trying to avoid target practice".)

(He _**hates**_ it.)

(Most of the crew were up for just leaving him out of it.)

(If he didn't wanna come, fine, it was his aft against a 'Con then.)

(But, ever being the rigid stickler that he is, 'Hide wouldn't stand for it and sent me to get him.)

(I don't know why I got put on wake-up duty.)

(Probably a rookie thing.)

(However, even if it was a lowly and potentially dangerous job, [a lot of the 'bots hate being woken up] that didn't mean I couldn't have some fun with it.)

(Just as I was ready to enter the room, I drew myself up to full height and got my best Ironhide voice ready.)

("All right, sleepin' ugly! Time to get your fat aft outta bed!")

(At least that's what I was planning on saying.)

(I never got that far.)

(Because my optics and mind got raped by what Wheeljack was doing.)

(And it was _**not**_ sleeping in.)

(All I'm gonna say is that it gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'jacking off'.)

(I didn't know Cybertronians did that, and I didn't _**want**_ to know!)

(That image is forever seared in my memory!)

(Not okay!)

(Not okay!)

(**NOT OKAY!**)

**Bay—30. Don't use your powers to play pranks.**

(Or don't get caught.)

(I never get caught, but it wasn't that hard for the 'bots to find who the culprit was this time.)

(Not with a giant ice slick positioned directly in the doorway to the rec. room.)

(The stiffs just don't appreciate the life enrichin' qualities that my impromptu ice skatin' lessons offer.)

(Hello, time-out corner.)

(How are you today?)

**Hunter—31. Don't bring animals to the base.**

(At least not dogs.)

(Raf's eldest sister, Sophia, graduated from college and she got a puppy as a graduation gift from her fiancee.)

(His name is Tucker.)

(He's a pug, and he's the sweetest little thing!)

(Unfortunately, Sophia's just moved into her new apartment and the super doesn't allow pet, so Tucker has to stay here with the Esquivel's.)

(Raf, as the youngest, was put in charge of him.)

(Last weekend the Esquivel's went on a family trip.)

(They couldn't take Tucker and Raf knows my soft spot for critters, so he asked me to watch Tucker while they were gone.)

(Of course I said 'yes'!)

(I've always wanted a dog.)

(And maybe this would provide me with the opportunity to convince Dad how great dogs were so that he'd let me get one.)  
(I was the perfect dog-sitter.)

(Until the... incident happened.)  
(I took my eyes off Tucker for ten seconds and he was gone!)

(Five minutes of searching turned up nothing and I was starting to worry.)

(Then I heard the scream.)

(Ratchet's scream.)

(Why was he screaming?)  
(Tucker had apparently decided to... mark his territory.)

(Yup, you guessed it.)

(So much for my 'getting-a-dog' dream.)

**Artemis—32. Don't suggest new catchphrases.**

" Autobots, let's get jiggy with it!"

(Never have I seen such a blank look come from Optimus.)

(He stared at me for three minutes straight.)

(I timed him.)

(He said 'no'.)

(I have a fuddy-duddy for a guardian.)

" We shall rid the world of all evil—Decepticons and bunnies alike!"

(Ironhide couldn't agree more.)

(He still wouldn't use it though.)

(Hard-aft.)

" I don't always hit my patients, but when I do, I use Stanley wrenches. Stay wrench happy, my friends."

(Everyone else thought it was hilarious.)

(Even Optimus!)

(Ratchet's thoughts?)

(Well, let's just say that if the sport of 'wrench dodging' ever catches on, I could be champion.)

" PINEAPPLE!"

(I suggested for Skids and Mudflaps to use it as a battle cry.)

(So far, they're the only ones who have actually implemented my suggestion.)

(And I don't care if the others thought it was stupid.)

(Did any of their battle cries distract the 'Cons long enough for us to beat down on them like the Chevies' did?)

(I don't think so!)

(So ha, ha—wait for it—ha!)

**Bay—33. Never give Ratchet high grade.**

(It was probably the greatest prank to have ever been played in the current history of pranks.)

(**AND I WASN'T PART OF IT!**)

(Dang you, Sari and Bumblebee!)

(Apparently there is an unspoken rule that you don't give Ratchet high grade.)

(We all wonder why, and Sari and 'Bee set out to discover the answer.)

(They poured high grade into his morning barrel of oil.)

(It didn't take long for it to kick in.)

(So no, since I was out on patrol with Prime I didn't get to be in on it.)

(But I did get a lot of video of Ratchet skippin' around, giddy and singin'.)

(Blackmail is sweet.)

**Hunter—34. Don't watch horror movies with Ultra Magnus.**

(Personally, I hate horror movies and rarely watch them.)

(But I do not consider The Wolfman a horror movie.)

(Ultra Magnus couldn't disagree more.)

(I've never heard such femmish squeals come from a mech.)

(Not even Bulkhead!)

(What _**was**_ scary is how Big Blue jumped into Dad's arms like Scooby does Shaggy's.)

(I've never seen Dad so weirded out in my life.)

(At least he wasn't alone though.)

(Smokescreen jumped into my arms too.)

(Wusses.)

**Artemis—35. Never discuss the birds and the bees in front of/with certain 'bots and/or people.**

(This list includes:)

*The Chevy Twins

(They're about as mature of fifteen year old boys.)

(And that's an insult to fifteen year old boys everywhere.)

*The Lambo Twins

(Not much better than the other Twin Terrors.)

(And they were eying be up during the whole discussion.)

(They learned better afterwards.)

*Bumblebee

(He's my best friend, so I have to defend him and say that he is far more mature than either set of twins.)

(But he's still dirty minded.)

(I blame Sam.)

*Sam

(He warped 'Bee's processor.)  
(Need I say more?)

*Leo

(This should be obvious.)

(And I swear to Primus, Leo, you call me 'sweet-cheeks' one more time or wolf whistle at me again they'll be pullin' my boot out of your where-the-sun-don't-shine!)

*Simmons

(It's just... awkward.)

(Especially when he starts referring to the butcher meat for examples.)

(I can never look at summer sausage the same way again!)

* * *

**Good? Bad? Yes? No? Funny? Voldshtein? Any ideas for what other rules to do? If you have some, leave a comment, and, unless you think the idea would be absolutely perfect for a certain girl, don't leave an OC name beside it. I'll decide what rule goes to whom. Yes, I'm a control freak like that. :)**


	6. Chapter 6

** More comin' at'cha!**

** Butter4Evaz gets credit for #36.**

** nobelboivin inspired #'s 38 & 39.**

** Thanks to everybody for giving me suggestions. :) And just because they didn't make this chapter doesn't mean that they won't be used. If I can use them and like them, I will put them in where I can. **

** SunnySides—I liked the beer commercial parody too. XDDD**

** I do not own Transformers or anything in relation, and it seriously pains me that I don't. I do own my OCs, SO DON'T STEAL THEM OR I WILL COME AFTER YOU AND MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING PIT! Enjoy. :D**

* * *

**Ch. 6**

**Bay—36. Don't tell the 'bots everything you read on the internet is true.**

(Sari showed the guys those creepy chain messages.)

(They went a little overboard with security.)

(Meanin' that they invested—or rather had Professor Sumdac invest—in the highest and most impenetrable security system that money can buy.)

(If you've ever seen _Over the Hedge_ it was a lot like what that lady had installed in her backyard to keep the animals out.)

(Expect on a lot bigger scale.)

(Like about a thousand bigger scale.)

(They even had them installed in the berthrooms.)

(I didn't know this.)

(So I was stayin' over at the base one night in the guest room and had to get up to pee in the middle of the night.)

(The security system was set to kick on at a certain time, and, unfortunately for me, that time was after I'd fallen asleep.)

(So I take one step outta bed and the next thing I know, alarms, flashin' lights, and searin' pain.)

(I don't know how I survived.)

(The guys came runnin' into the room to see it was their precious security system had caught.)

(I think they were a little bit disappointed to see that it was just me and not some sort of creepy ghoul from those chain messages.)

(Bumblebee was a complete idiot.)

(He asked me what I was doin' settin' off a security system that was meant to trap things that go bump in the night.)

(He was so fraggin' lucky I was in too much shock to beat him to a pile of scarp.)

(I had them take out the security system the next day.)

(By that I mean I completely demolished every last bit of it and had them haul it off to the dump.)

(The 'bots now know that you can't take everything on the internet so seriously.)

(Good thing too, because I just discovered that there are wiki pages on all of us.)

(If I ever find the son of a glitch that says I'm dating Sentinel Prime...)

**Hunter—37. Don't reference _Seinfeld_.**

(The only reason we even got Seinfeld back was because my dad absolutely loves it.)

(So _**please**_ don't get it banned again!)

" Hello, Fowler."

(Everyone has a Newman in their life.)

(Fowler is mine.)

(Well, I guess technically he was my dad's first, but we share him.)

(My greetings for him have been getting a little bit... let's say 'rank' as of late.)

(So I'm forbidden from greeting him with derogatory comments now, which is really no fun.)

(Hence why I borrowed Seinfeld's thing.)

(It was going great.)

(Amazingly Fowler had never seen _Seinfeld _[I was floored with shock] and had no idea what the reference meant.)

(And then one day when all us 'bots are out on a mission the kids are watching Seinfeld and Fowler joined them.)

(He couldn't help but notice a certain similarity in the way Jerry greets Newman and the way I greet him.)

(Not I can't use that anymore either.)

(Thanks, Jack, Miko, and Raf!)

(Real good!)

" He is not a business man. He is a holistic healer. It's a calling; it's a gift."

(What Will uses to describe Ratchet.)

(Or did, rather.)

(Ratchet heard him saying it and threw a wrench at him, shouting at him to stop it.)

(Apparently Ratchet is not a holistic healer.)

(He's too tense.)

" No soup for you!"

(Bumblebee set up the galley like the Soup Nazi's shop when it was his turn to hand out the rations.)

(He even posted up a huge sign on the how-to-get-your-food procedure just like in the Soup Nazi's shop [it was so cool I had to put it in my room].)

(Anybody who didn't follow the rules got their food snatched away by him and shouted at.)

(It was hilarious.)

(Especially when 'Bee shouted " Come back, one year!" at Fowler.)

(Fowler's blank stare because he couldn't understand him was even more funny.)

(Everybody else was too busy busting a gut to explain it to him.)

" It's a hot night. The mind races. You think about your knife—the only friend that hasn't betrayed you. The only friend that won't be dead by sun-up."

(That really got the 'bots' alarm bells going.)

(It also got Epps psych-evaluated.)

(I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard.)

" Ovaltine. You ever had this stuff? Why do they call it Ovaltine? The jar is round; the mug is round—they should call it '_**Round**_tine'."

(OMP, Dad, I love you!)

(You and chocolate milk know just how to cheer me up when I'm down.)

(But seriously though, why _**do**_ they call it Ovaltine?)

**Artemis—38. Never let Wheeljack watch _Mythbusters _or anything like it.**

('Jack will try out the myths on his own.)

(So long as Skids and Mudflap are the test dummies I'm fine with it.)

(But after the last time... no.)

(He tried to use _**me**_ as the dummy!)

(_**And**_ Leo!)

(Me mostly because I walked in on him when he was... yeah.)

(Leo because he's just so much fun to torment.)

('Jackie was testing out the dis-proven 'impregnated by a bullet' myth.)

(Leo was screaming because he didn't want his balls blown off.)  
(I was screaming too.)

(Not because I didn't wanna get shot.)

(As the AllSpark, I'd heal up right away.)

(I was screaming because, if the myth _Mythbuster_ guys had just so happened to be wrong and the myth was true, it would most certainly happen with me.)

(**AND I DON'T WANNA HAVE LEO'S BABY!**)

**Bay—39. Don't let the Dinobots watch _Barney_.**

(They were unbelievably offended by how anatomically incorrect Barney is compared to other dinosaurs.)

(The somehow found their way down to the station to issue a complaint.)

(Issue a complaint as in "destroy everything in sight".)

(We are currently in the process of receivin' a restrainin' order from PBS.)

(I'm still decidin' if it's because they demolished everything or because Grimlock's grammar is terrible.)

**Hunter—40. Don't attempt to be a contortionist.**

(I have a problem when it comes to backing down from dares issued by Smokescreen.)

(We watch _America's Got Talent _and whenever a certain talent he doesn't think I can perform comes along he dares me to attempt it.)

(I've proven him wrong every time.)

(And then the contortioning came into play.)

(Getting in to the pose was fine.)

(It was getting out of it where trouble happened.)

(It took Dad, Ultra Magnus, and Ratchet three hours to untangle me.)

(Smokescreen has double cleaning duty and I'm grounded for a week.)

(That's totally okay though.)

(I'm not gonna be moving from my berth for a while.)

**Artemis—41. Always be careful when quoting _Whose Line is it Anyway?_.**

" Tree. Tree. Tree. Tree. Treetreetree! Tree..."

(Savannah and I were extremely bored.)

(Dad [Optimus] almost threw us out of his cab.)

(We were on the freeway!)

**[A/N Why are Savannah and Artemis friends here? I'm too tired to explain it right now.]**

" Everyone, look under your seats. Look under your seats. You all get... absolutely nothing. I'm sick of giving you people my crap!"

(I'm amazed Galloway actually watches Whose Line, let alone quoted it.)

(For a split second I thought he was cool.)

(Then Epps shouted out: "Good! Nobody wants your shit anyway!")

(Galloway is back on the bottom rung of the 'coolness ladder'.)

" Shpling-dong!"

(Sam got psych-evaluated.)

(Not because he repeatedly said 'shpling-dong'.)

(Because he kept pushing imaginary door bells.)

" What kinda date would I take you on? What kinda date would be go on? What kinda daaate! It would be me on you, you, you, you! I would wanna make love to you! Love to you! Nobdoy-body else but love to you! I would take you in my arms, take you outside, and I would make love!"

(What Ironhide sang to Chromia when she asked hiim what their "date night" would consist of.)

(Mikaela and I were completely floored by the epicness.)

(I was so amazed that 'Hide could actually sing that I wasn't even sickened by the prospect of them interfacing!)

(Not so much later that night when I heard their moaning through the wall of my room.)

(I really need to put up a case for making these rooms soundproof.)

" If I were a sandwich, how would you eat me?"

(It had to be asked.)  
(And during a briefing when Lennox asked if there were any questions was the perfect place.)

(The question was weird enough.)

(Then Simmons answered it.)

(" Slowly, lovingly, yet ravenously, and I would lap up the excess with great tenderness.")

(O_O')

(Backing. Away. Slowly.)

**Bay—42. Don't get practical joke ideas from AFV.**

('Bee, Bulk, and Sari found that out the hard way.)

(I don't know where they found the ginormous spider costumes, but they looked very lifelike.)

(Okay, maybe not.)

(But to me and Optimus they did.)

(Bulkhead and Bumblebee had to get limbs replaced, dents pounded out, and scorch/warp marks fixed.)

(Sari is currently uploadin' the video to the AFV website.)

(We better get the 10,000 bucks, or else trainin' is gonna be very brutal on two certain Autobots for the next month!)

* * *

**Good? Bad? Yes? No? Funny? Voldshtein? Any ideas for what other rules to do? If you have some, leave a comment, and, unless you think the idea would be absolutely perfect for a certain girl, don't leave an OC name beside it. I'll decide what rule goes to whom. Yes, I'm a control freak like that. :)**


	7. Chapter 7

** More comin' at'cha!**

** My DA friend Harpessdragon gets credit for #43.**

** Alice Gone Madd gets credit for #45.**

** nobleboivin gets credit for #44**

** And SunnySides gets credit for #46.**

** Thanks to everybody for giving me suggestions. Again. I would've used them in this chapter, but it was kinda already written before I read the suggestions. Some of them will make the next chapter though. **

** I do not own Transformers or anything in relation, and it seriously pains me that I don't. I do own my OCs, SO DON'T STEAL THEM OR I WILL COME AFTER YOU AND MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING PIT! Enjoy. :D**

* * *

**Ch. 7**

**Hunter—43. Never antagonize me during my "time of the month".**

(No if's, and's, or but's about it.)

(Bad things have happened to good people.)

(Absolutely nobody is safe.)

*Ratchet

(He forgot about my Hybrid hearing and muttered something about comparing me to my great-great grandsire.)

(For those of you who don't know, I hate my great-great grandsire.)

(Ratchet now knows what its like to get wrenched.)

*Ultra Magnus

(I can sometimes get very emotional during that time.)

(Big Blue made a comment on my moodiness.)

(We currently have a new doorway leading outside the base.)

(I'm **_not_** fixing it!)

*Predaking

(King and I were out on the shooting range going through some target practice.)

(He laughed and teased me about my pit-awful aim.)

(He soon learned that I'm a much better aim with my bow and arrows.)

(Who's the predator and who's the prey **_now_**, King?!)

**[A/N This will be explained in the future. All you need to know is once I hit Beast Hunters I'm not really following the script. If you're gonna be pissed about that I suggest you stop reading Hybrid Theory right now.]**

*Wheeljack

(Everyone know about my crush on Hugh Jackman.)

(They also know how defensive I can get about him.)

(So I always get teased by everyone, including my dad.)

(Wheeljack is no exception.)

(In fact he's the most merciless of them all.)

(The other day on the news there was talk about Hugh Jackman having been assaulted by a man carrying a bible, rosary beads, holy water, and a crucifix.)

(They had video clips.)

(The man looked a lot like Wheeljack's holoform and sounded a lot like him.)

(I got my confirmation when I found my Wolverine Fathead vandalized with the words 'Be gone, Satan!' scrawled across it in red spray paint.)

(Normal day I woulda been p.o-ed.)

(That day I went ballistic.)

(If only my aim with my guns could be that accurate all the time.)

*Fowler

(The man just seriously needs to stop coming around.)

(Not just during that time of the month either, I mean he needs to stop coming around period.)

(I don't like him, he doesn't like me.)

(Don't ask what happened when he made a derogatory comment at me during that time.)

(I don't think anybody was aware that I knew that many expletives.)

(The only reason I didn't get in trouble was because Dad was afraid to punish me.)

(He's mastered the art of lying low during that accursed week.)

(Besides, I know he thinks the exact same things whenever Fowler comes around.)

(Optimus: I can neither confirm or deny that allegation.)

**Artemis—44. Don't let the Dinobots watch anything that deals with dinosaurs.**

(They will attack the TV in rage and rave for the next three hours about how Dinobots don't need to be taught how to act.)

(That was the third television we've had to replace this month.)  
(And I'm not sure how much longer I can take their rants!)

(Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, stop lettin' 'em watch that stuff, ya friggin' morons!)

**Bay—45. Don't annoy Starscream.**

(Especially not when your in his cockpit.)

(He will throw ya out.)

(Things that annoy him include:)

*Singing 'The Song That Never Ends'.

(We now possess a new and virtually fool-proof weapon.)

(We belt out the first few words and Starscream's retreatin'.)

(The same can be said with the 'Marty's Afro Circus' song.)

*Saying 'Ooh, shiny!' and pushing all the buttons on his console.

(I'm not entirely sure if he threw me out or if I just hit the actual 'eject' button that time.)

*Grabbing his steering wheel and forcing him to do barrel loops.

(That was a helluva lotta fun!)

(Until I got sick.)

(But even then it was fun because I threw up all over 'Screamy's enterior.)

(**BONUS!**)

*Repeatedly asking 'Are we there yet?'

(Ya know what it can do to your parents, so you can just imagine how ticked Starscream got.)

(It didn't help that I was jacked up on sugar and caffeine either.)

(" Arewethereyetarewethereyetarewethereyetarewethereyetarewethereyet?!")

(" **NO!**")

(" **WELL, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO YELL!**")

*Repeatedly announcing that you're hungry.

(I'm a whiny pain in the aft when I get hungry.)

(Bein' held captive by a 'con just gave me an excuse to be an even bigger one.)

(So I threw an all out temper tantrum.)

(It got Starscream to throw me out, but it did backfire a bit.)

(My ears are still ringin' from my own screams.)

*Exclaiming 'I have to pee!'

(I really did have to pee!)

(Which 'Scream quickly discovered.)

(Hey, holdin' it in is bad for the kidneys.)

(Don't judge me!)

*Singing any Justin Bieber song.

(Starscream thougth I was bluffin' when I threatened that I knew all the lyrics to 'Baby'.)

(Unfortunately not, Starscream.)

(Unfortunately not.)

(My mom has horrible taste in music.)

(Optimus swears that I let myself get captured just so I can annoy the 'con.)

(You say that like it's a bad thing, Prime.)

**Hunter—46. Don't leave 'bots, no matter who the are, on the Island of Misfit Tech.**

(For some reason I've become our official correspondent with the Rescue Bots stationed out on Griffin Rock.)

(Not that I mind.)

(The guys are cool and we're all great pals.)

(My last trip there was concerning Decepticon energy signatures located out on the Island of Misfit Tech.)

(The boys and I teleported out there.)

(Sure enough, Knockout was on the island.)

(And so was something else.)

(Turns out that the mechanical bull they'd sent to the island was still up and running.)

(And Knockout was after it.)

(Or should I say that the bull was after Knockout?)

(So much for the newly buffed finished.)

(Blades: Should we help him out?)

(Heatwave: Nah, leave 'im. Maybe Mr. Pretty Sparkles can dazzle him with the fancy paint job.)

(Oh my gosh, Heatwave, dude, I love you!)

(XDDD)

**Artemis—47. Don't be a close talker.**

(It was Barricade's first day on base as a converted Decepticon.)

(Sunny thought it'd be funny greet him by getting up in his face and talking into his mouth like it was a drive-thru speaker.)

(Barricade punched him.)

(**SMASH!**)

(**BOOM!**)

(Autobot down!)

(Everyone stared at Barricade speechless.)

(Well, everyone but me.)

(" I love the new guy!")

**Bay—48. Never play 'Never Have I Ever'.**

(That game can get quite disturbin'.)

(You can find out a lot of stuff about people that ya didn't know.)

(A lot of stuff that ya didn't really_** want**_ or _**need**_ to know.)

(" Never have I ever done it with anyone.")

(Jazz, you can be such a perv!)

(Ultra Magnus was the only one who put his hand down.)

(No, the Alterra isn't reincarnated, but that doesn't mean the thought of Magnus gettin' it on with the Alterra before me isn't any less awkward!)

**Hunter—49. Don't bad mouth _Twilight_.**

(Shockingly enough, Miko is a die hard Twi-hard.)

(Yeah, I know, none of us say it coming either.)

(I found that out as I was making fun of Edward.)

(" Whoosh! Whoosh! I like to whoosh. And I like to sparkle like diamonds.)

(Miko threw a pillow at me and started cussing me out.)

(But what really weirded me out wasn't the fact that our resident metal-head loved _Twilight_.)

(It was the dirty look Smokescreen shot my way as I made fun of it.)

(O.o)

* * *

**Good? Bad? Yes? No? Funny? Voldshtein? Any ideas for what other rules to do? If you have some, leave a comment, and, unless you think the idea would be absolutely perfect for a certain girl, don't leave an OC name beside it. I'll decide what rule goes to whom. Yes, I'm a control freak like that. :)**


	8. Chapter 8

** More comin' at'cha! And warnin' ya right now, probably not my best chapter. Though I'm not sure any of these are really good. XD**

** My DA friend GreenHa gets credit for #'s 54 and 56.**

** SunnySides gets credit for #52. I might seriously have to watch Princess Bride now for the first time ever. XDD**

** nbabb51 gets credit for #51.**

** Alice Gone Madd helped me out with some of #50. My cousin/classmate also did too, because the 'I DO NOT HAVE TURRETS' thing was something he randomly shouted out at a track me our freshman year. Yeah... he's... yeah. And AFV did too with the 'I love ponies and unicorns' thing.**

** Thanks to everybody for giving me suggestions. Again. I would've used them in this chapter, but it was kinda already written before I read the suggestions. Some of them will make the next chapter though. **

** ENJOY! :D**

** I do not own Transformers or anything in relation, and it seriously pains me that I don't. I do own my OCs, SO DON'T STEAL THEM OR I WILL COME AFTER YOU AND MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING PIT! Enjoy. :D**

* * *

**Ch. 8**

**Artemis—50. Always be prepared for what spews out of people's mouths.**

(It goes without say that it can get a little bit nuts and random around here at N.E.S.T.)

(Things people say are no exception.)

(For example: )

" You suck! And when you suck, we all suck! And when we all suck, everything turns into one big suck-fest! And that sucks! **SO DON'T SUCK!**"

(Simmons doesn't believe in pep talks.)

(He believes in instilling fear into the hearts of people in order to make them do things.)

(Say what you want, it works with the new recruits.)

" I don't like bananas!"

(I shouted that out during a meeting once.)

(" Well why not?!")

(" Because they get too mushy when you chew 'em!")

(" Uh-huh! I see! Good answer!")

(Oh, Epps!)

(The fun we have! X3)

" Ponies! I love ponies! I love ponies, and I'm not afraid to admit I love unicorns!"

(Red Alert.)

(I don't know which was sadder: )  
(The fact that he shouted it out one Disney's 'It's a Small World' ride; )

(Or the fact that no one was surprised.)

" Well fuck me sideways and call me shish-ka-bobbed!"

(I'm a bit of an odd duck.)

(But, of course, that goes without say.)

(Still, my exclamations to things [in this case the ending of the _Hunger Games_ trilogy] are very... out there.)

(And sometimes not the best things to say.)

(For example, in this case the Chevies were in the same room as me.)

(Probably wouldn't have been so bad if they weren't perverted little weasel who have a desperate crush on me.)

(So they're "Okay!" was just a little bit too enthusiastic for my taste.)

(As well as my comfort.)

(When everyone else came in to the room they all took notice of our two new, and rather objectionable and noisy, chandeliers.)

('Hide: " Streaks, what are skids and Mud doing on the ceiling?")

(Me: " Hangin' out.")

" Always make sure your AllSpark enfused girlfriend is around to save your ass."

(Bryce! XDDD)

(He was visiting and it was his first ever N.E.S.T. Meeting.)

(Will thought he'd give him a hard time, so he asked Bryce what the number one rule of combat was.)

(I loved General Morshower's reply.)  
(Morshower: " Actually, that's better than what the actual rule is.")

" **I SAW A SQUIRREL!**"

(Riding with Ratchet can be the most boring thing ever.)

(No music, no conversation, just strict silence that can drive you within an inch of insanity.)

(Evidently, when Sam's bored, anything can become an announcement.)

(Including squirrles.)

(Me: " Yes, Sam, we know. The world is full of squirrels.")

(The most entertaining part of the ride was watching Sam in the rear-view trying to catch up to us after Ratch threw him out of the vehicle.)

(I nearly peed my pants laughing.)

(But I didn't because I didn't want to join Sam.)

" **I DO NOT HAVE TURRETS!**"

(Whatever you say, Leo.)

(Whatever you say.)

(*mock twitches*)

" I saw a squishy! *runs after said "squishy" and catches it* It's so cute!"

(Sideswipe, humans are not to be called 'squishies' and picked up and pet like hamsters.)

(That includes me!)

(I'll kick your aft to Cybertron and back, son!)

**Bay—51. Don't let Jetfire and Jetstorm watch the Youtube video "Jack Frost Flirts... a Lot".**

(Don't do it!)

(They will take it as a personal challenge to see if they can get people to fall in love with them.)  
(Yeah, they've been hangin' around Bumblebee too much...)

(So far, they've been unsuccessful and lucky that I didn't dent their helms in.)

(And then they pulled out the big weird guns.)  
(They targeted Sentinel Prime.)

(Awkward.)

(Gotta admit, I kinda felt sorry for Captain Asteroid Chin, he looked so weirded out.)

(Ultra Magnus asked why they were flirting with Sentinel.)

(I asked the bigger question.)

(Why would _**anyone**_ flirt with Sentinel?)  
(Nobody answered.)

(My point exactly.)

**Hunter—52. Don't quote _Princess Bride_.**

(Even though it is highly amusing!)

" Hello. My name is Hunter James. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

(Arcee and I were sparring and it just kinda slipped.)

(Dad walked into the room at the wrong time.)  
(The look on his face: )

(Priceless.)

" Life is pain, kid. Anyone who says differently is selling something."

(I don't know which is more painful: )

(Smokescreen's cry-baby whining during his check ups; )  
(Or the reality of Ratchet's advice.)

" You keep using that sound. I don't think it means what you think it means."

(Ultra Magnus has a very distinct noise for derision.)

(It's very annoying.)

(This was Wheeljack's attempt at getting him to stop.)

(It didn't work.)

(Nice try, Jackie.)

(*pats shoulder*)

" We'll never survive!"

" Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has."

(Miko insists that this is what the 'Cons say about going up against me in battle.)

(I'd be lying if I said that I didn't hope it's what they say too.)

" It would take a miracle."

(Bulkhead concerning Arcee's love life.)

(She was passing through the room at the time.)

(For the next two hours, Bulk was used by 'Cee for target practice.)

('Bee and I nearly died from laughter.)

" I am a mech of action. Lies do not become me."

(Smokescreen has the maturity of a thirteen-year-old boy sometimes.)

(By "sometimes" I mean "most of the time".)

(And his favorite way to show off his maturity—or lack thereof rather—it through pranks.)

(The last one he pulled was on Dad and me.)

(We'd just finished my combat practice and were heading out of the training room to hit the showers.)

(No sooner had we opened the door than we were, in all meanings of the word, slimed.)

(Yes, big fuel drums of nasty green slime had been rigged up above the training room doors so that, when they were opened, the unlucky opener got dumped on.)

(Of course, Smokescreen is fairly intelligent.)

(So that means that he wasn't around to witness his prank and get caught.)

(But Dad I knew it was him.)

(When we confronted him—still all covered in green slime, mind you—he got all offended and defensive.)

(He held up his right hand and put his left one over his spark as he swore it wasn't him.)

(Apparently he wasn't smart enough to wash of his hands.)

(They were still green with dried slime.)

(Dad and I are now stained green for about a week, but you wanna know somethin'?)

(Three... two... one...)

(*loud splash followed by Smokescreen's disgusted scream*)

(Revenge is sweet.)

**Artemis—53. Always watch your mouth around the President.**

(Apparently it is not appropriate to say any of the following: )

" So you're the one we have to thank for Galloway? Fuck you."

(Galloway was in the same room at the time.)  
(His reaction was hilarious.)  
(Even more so when the other N.E.S.T. members representing the team with me started to cheer.)

(Honestly, Galloway.)

(You can't really think we liked you?)

" Boy, you sure fucked up on that Obamacare thing, didn't ya?"

(Oh, come on, people!)

(We're all thinking it.)

" Hold on! One shot! I just need one shot!"

(I got tackled by the secret service men.)

(Guys, I was pulling out a _**camera**_!)

(And I was trying to get a picture of the dogs!)

(I'm not invited back to the White House ever again.)

(Fine by me.)

(My family didn't vote for him anyways.)

**Bay—54. Don't try to make the running Looney Tunes' 'Those Endearing Young Charms' gag into an actual weapon.**

(Please don't ask.)

(All ya need to know is that Sari, Bumblebee and I were very bored.)

(And it actually did work.)

(Sorta.)

('Bee's currently in the med.-bay gettin' put back together, and rebuffed.)

(The gag continues in the same fashion as it began.)

**Hunter—55. Don't call Megatron my uncle.**

(Can somebody please explain to me just what exactly about me is so irresistibly tease-able?)  
(Seriously!)

(These guys just don't stop!)

(First they call me 'Stephano'.)  
(That hasn't stopped by the way.)

(Then they tease me about Starscream.)  
(I have to admit that no one's mentioned that again since the conflict with Bulkhead.)

(Now they've all zeroed in on the relationship between my dad, Megatron, and me!)

(It's not funny!)

(First of all, Megatron and Dad aren't, in actuality, brothers!)

(For another thing, Megatron hated the idea of having an Autobot for a niece.)

(And quite frankly, I'm not big on the idea of having a malicious and sadistic Decepticon warlord as an uncle either!)

(Though I have to admit, the term 'Uncle Meggy' does make him sound downright and deceptively cuddly.)

**Artemis—56. Never mention the Creepypastas.**

(Quite fankly, I never have and still don't see the fascination with them.)

(I have enough demons as it is—I don't need to be thinking about more things that go bump in the night.)  
(And apparently neither do the 'bots.)

(It all started with Mikaela and Sam.)

(They are absolutely addicted to the 'Slenderman' game.)  
(I mean, this game is like their heroine, okay?)

(The 'bots all got curious as to just what they was so intent on and screaming about every two minutes.)

(Unfortunately, I wasn't there to stop them from telling them all about Slender and his creepy crew.)

(Now the 'bots are frickin' paranoid as hell.)

(Ironhide forces the Lennoxes to sleep in his cab every night.)

(Red Alert puts the base in lock down as soon as the sun goes down.)

(And I have to sleep in Dad's berth now!)

(Oh, sharing Dad's berth isn't the reason I'm pissed—snuggling with him actually helps with my nightmares [what can I say? I'm a Daddy's Girl].)

(It's the reason of _**why**_ I have to share his berth.)

(Skids and Mudflaps have to sleep in our quarters and are using my berth.)

(_**Skids and Mudflaps**_!)

(In my berth!)

(_**My**_ berth!)

(Damn it, Sam and Mikaela!)

(You think Slenderman's scary?!)

(You ain't seen nothin' yet!)

* * *

**Good? Bad? Yes? No? Funny? Voldshtein? Any ideas for what other rules to do? If you have some, leave a comment, and, unless you think the idea would be absolutely perfect for a certain girl, don't leave an OC name beside it. I'll decide what rule goes to whom. Yes, I'm a control freak like that. :)**


	9. Chapter 9

** More comin' at'cha! **

** nobleboivin gets credit for #63.**

** kikigraysonwest gets credit for #62.**

** Emily—Thank you so much for the support. :)**

** Thanks to everybody for giving me suggestions. Again. And I encourage people to keep helping me with suggestions because sometimes they don't always come to me. XDD**

** ENJOY! :D**

** I do not own Transformers or anything in relation, and it seriously pains me that I don't. I do own my OCs, SO DON'T STEAL THEM OR I WILL COME AFTER YOU AND MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING PIT! Enjoy. :D**

* * *

**Ch. 9**

**Bay—57. Never give Blurr caffeine.**

(This shouldn't even need explainin'.)

(The mech's practically already on one big caffeine-trip as it is!)

(Givin' him actual caffeine is horrifyin'.)  
(Do not try the following at home, kids!)

(It all started out as a stupid Bumblebee idea that quickly morphed into a stupid Jazz dare that I was stupid enough to try.)

(The caffeinated cocktail that I poured into Blurr's energon consisted of: Red Bull, Nos, Rockstar, and Monster to name a few.)  
(As I've already stated: )

(Huge. Mistake.)

(You thought he was hard to understand before?)

(I don't think even Blurr knew what he was sayin'...)

**Hunter—58. Don't let Optimus (Dad) catch you doing something that could be considered risque even when you're not really being or trying to be risque while doing it.**

(I have a confession to make.)

(I can pole-dance.)

(I can't say I'm proud of it, but I'm actually pretty good.)

(How did I learn?)

(Back in the day, a group of kids I used to run with had a girl who's mom was a pole-dance—yada, yada, yada—I learned it.)

(Say what you want, it's actually a great workout.)

(Anyway, the kids, Smokey, 'Bee, and I were playing 'Truth or Dare' and it came up.)

(They didn't believe me.)

(So I had to prove it.)

(Dad walked into the room about a minute into my routine and went berserk.)

(I got a long, stern lecture, and my phone, TV privileges, laptop taken away, and extra training sessions and cleaning duty for a whole week before I got sent to my room to think about what I did wrong?)

(What did I do wrong?)

(I agreed to play 'Truth or Dare'; that's what I did wrong!)

(Hasn't past experience shown me by now that that game does nothing but gets me into trouble?)

(It's the reason I had to learn pole-dancing in the first place!)

**Artemis—59. Don't introduce the 'bots to twerking.**

(Damn it, Leo!)

(I swear, thanks to you and Sam I'm not only the living AllSpark, I'm a living censorship button too!)

(I have to be around to make sure that whatever these two numb-skulls tell/show the Autobots is appropriate for their still integrating and somewhat gullible and impressionable processors.)

(All. The stinkin'. Time!)

(This time Leo showed them a video of Miley Cyrus twerking.)

(Personally whenever I see twerking, I don't know whether to laugh, cry, barf, or do all three in succinct succession.)

(Miley Cyrus twerking takes it to a whole other level.)

(Most of the 'bots say it my way.)

(Red Alert actually glitched.)

(Not that I can blame him.)

(Skids and Mudflaps, though, rather enjoyed it.)

(How do I know?)

(Oh, let's just say that it has a little something to do with a twerking contest currently taking place between the Chevies and Leo right here in the rec. room, _**in front of me**_!)  
(Mikaela and Me: My eyes!)

(Chromia: For which one?)

(Me: Does it really matter?!)

**Bay—60. Don't tell Prowl that the graffiti seen on train cars is 'cool'.**

(Optimus was busy the other day, so the most horrendous and dreadful thing happened to me.)

(Prowl had to pick me up from school.)

(For those of you who don't know, ridin' with Prowl is the epitome of boring.)

(I mean, ya look up 'boring' in a dictionary or thesaurus, and Prowl's name is right there beside it.)

(At least Ratchet has rode rage.)  
(Prowl won't even let ya at least _**look**_ like you're drivin' the motorcycle!)

(Even when ya _**do**_ have your driver's license.)

(So, as I ride behind him, clutchin' to his holoform, encased in the full-body protective suit that they use to train police and military dogs with that he makes me wear, I pass the time by admirin' the graffiti sprayed onto the trains.)

(There's surprisin'ly a lot of trains on the way to the base.)

(Some of the graffiti is actually pretty cool lookin'.)

(Even so, I really need to learn how to keep my opinions to myself.)

(Especially when they're concernin' certain subjects that are technically against the law.)

(As soon as I told him, Prowl went into a tirade about how vandalism, in whatever form, is illegal, and, should I ever consider following that path, how my life would be in total and complete ruins.)

(I'm startin' to lose count of how many times I've received this lecture...)

**Hunter—61. Always be nice to Greasy.**

((Despite his small stature and age, the little guy is not to be taken lightly.)

(He's got enough get-up-and-go for the whole Hybrid race.)

(That would be why he's a Hybrid mentor for a least a dozen other young Hybrid's besides me.)

(We all have "class" together for one to two hours twice a week.)

(Essentially we learn about our culture, heritage, and how to master our abilities.)

(It's kinda like the Xavier Institute from _X-Men_.)

(Except I see and work with Greasy a lot more than any of the other kids because... well... I'm the Fuser and he was my dad's spark-father.)

(So I know him quite a bit better than anyone else.)

(I know what generally makes him tick, what he lets slide, and what pushes his buttons.)

(And the thing on the top of his 'pushes-my-buttons' list is immature, junior-grade practical jokes.)

(Like the whoopee cushion.)

(Or the ever classic 'tack-under-the-teacher's-chair' prank.)

(The other younglings thought I was a wussy kiss-up for not pitching in on the pranks.)

(Oh yeah?)

(Well, wussy kiss-up or not, guess who's got two thumbs and isn't stuck with extra Hybrid History homework for the next to weeks?)

(*points to self with said thumbs* **THIS GIRL!**)

**Artemis—62. Don't insist that the song 'If You Were Gay' is Starscream's theme song.**

(Even though it is surprisingly accurate.)

(When we were battling the 'Cons the other day and Starscream showed up on the field, 'Bee and I started singing it.)

(Everyone—'bot, 'con, and human alike—immediately stopped fighting because they were laughing so hard.)

(Except 'Screamy of course.)

(And Megatron.)

(He never laughs.)

(Plus, I don't think he liked how we reworded one of the lines.)

("So what should it matter to me what you do in bed with _**MEGATRON**_?!)

**Bay—63. Never insult Megatron.**

(Unless he's beaten to a bloody pulp or ya have the upper-hand over him.)

(Note: You will practically never have the upper-hand over Megatron.)

(So you're better off stickin' with the 'beaten-to-a-bloody-pulp' route.)

(Actually, come of think of it, that rarely ever happens too.)

(So let's just go with the 'never-insult-Megs' thing.)

(At least, not where he can find out.)

('Bee learned that the hard way.)

(Apparently he posted on his Twitter feed a whole bunch of uncomplimentary and unsavory things about the Decepticon warlord.)

(Little did he know that Shockwave found it and reported it to Megatron.)

(The next time we battled the 'cons, Megs wiped the floor with 'Bee.)

(Bumblebee is currently in the med-bay getting pieced back together.)

(Prime has banned the 'bots from taking part in social media.)

(I'm still amazed that Bumbler was actually smart enough to figure out Twitter.)

* * *

**Good? Bad? Yes? No? Funny? Voldshtein? Any ideas for what other rules to do? If you have some, leave a comment, and, unless you think the idea would be absolutely perfect for a certain girl, don't leave an OC name beside it. I'll decide what rule goes to whom. Yes, I'm a control freak like that. :)**


	10. Chapter 10

** More comin' at'cha! And not my best chapter. **

** Thank you all for your suggestions, and like always, if not found in this chapter, they may be found in another. :)**

** kikigraysonwest gets credit for #'s 68 & 69. I've never actually seen either cartoon, but I do know more about _Pok__é__mon_ than _Steven Universe_. XDDD**

** My DA friend GreenHa get's credit for #66. I've never truly sat down and watched M*A*S*H* so I don't know a lot about it, but I do know that after hearing the theme song it got stuck in my head for the longest time. I was humming it as I wrote that rule even. XDDD**

** nobleboivin—Anytime. I liked it. :3**

** tatteredangel—Thank you so much! And I have done creepypasta. They made their appearance in chapter 8. XDDDD**

** sexyandiknowitninjagirl—Thank you so much, and I intend to. :)**

**And #70 was inspired by Random Transformers Parody 12 on YouTube. **

** Now on to the enjoyment!**

** I do not own Transformers or anything in relation, and it seriously pains me that I don't. I do own my OCs, SO DON'T STEAL THEM OR I WILL COME AFTER YOU AND MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING PIT! Enjoy. :D**

* * *

**Ch. 10**

**Hunter—64. Don't flirt with me when my father is around.**

(I love my dad dearly, but seriously, if I can hold my own against Decepticons, you'd think he'd realize that I can handle guys.)

(Come on, Dad!)

(Back off!)

*Truck

(We've been friends ever since we met at the orphanage.)

(That progressed a bit, but it didn't work out, so now we're just friends again.)

(I have to ask myself, why I'm even telling you this...)

(Anyway, we still hang out whenever he comes to the base to visit, and the other day we were sparring.)

(I had Truck pinned and he was flirting with me, trying to get out of it.)

(Dad walked in right when Truck was quoting the ever classic: "Babe, are you from Tennessee? 'Cuz you're the only ten I see.")

(I don't know if Dad was shooting at him because he's an over-protective father;)

(Or because that line is sooooo lame!)

**[A/N Truck will be introduced in a future story and will play a major part. FYI, he's a Hybrid as well.]**

*Jack

(We're just friends.)

(But ya know how sometimes friends of the opposite gender will sorta flirt without really realizing it?)  
(Well, an over-protective father realizes it.)

(I don't think Jack knew Dad could growl like that.)

(I did.)

(Because it was the same growl he uses whenever somebody insults me or wounds me.)

(It's scary.)

*Smokescreen

(First of all, let me say that Smokey and I are more like brother and sister than anything.)

(He was just trying out some "new material" on me because that's what sisters do right?)

(Didn't matter to Dad.)

(Smokescreen got a barrel of oil dumped on him.)

(Of course, that could still be Dad's way of getting revenge on him for the whole 'sliming' deal.)

(Judging from his smirk, at least part of it was.)

*Vince

(I don't know why he still tries.)

(He know I hate him.)

(Maybe things'll be different now though.)

(Because the last time he tried flirting with me Dad threatened to call the cops and have him arrested for stalking.)

(Vince took off with his pointed tail between his legs.)

(" You weren't _**really**_ gonna call the cops, were you?")

(" Please, Hunter, I'm an alien robot with no real form of legal identification or documentation. I would be in far more trouble than he would be. Besides, why have the police force beat his aft for me when I could so easily enjoy it.)

(I have the most awesome Dad ever!)

(Go, Daddy!)

*Starscream

(I'm not even gonna bother with a caption.)

*Random Guys

(Being pretty can be both a gift and a curse.)

(I can't tell you how often I get wolf-whistled at and oogled [and I ain't braggin' about it either].)

(The last group of guys that did that got death-glared and snarled at by my dad.)

(Even in his holoform, Dad can be extremely scary.)

(He wouldn't let me out of his sight for the rest of the day.)

(In fact he hardly let me away from his side.)

(I secretly love it. X3)

**Artemis—65. Don't kiss when Optimus (Dad) is around.**

(This is basically for Bryce and me.)

(The other day Bryce was visiting and we were hanging out in the rec. room.)

(Bryce stated to pull me in for a kiss.)

(We didn't realize my dad was in the room until his holoform appeared in between us.)

(The look on my boyfriend's face as he kissed my father's cheek and vice-versa was hilarious!)

(I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard!)

(Everybody calls Dad 'kissable-cheeks' now.)  
(I may or may not have been the one who started it.)

(I may or may not have been the one behind Bryce's new nickname too.)

('Stubble-grazer'.)

**Bay—66. Don't let Ratchet watch _M*A*S*H*_.**

(This is what happens when ya give the doc 'bot control of the TV remote.)

(He's utterly hooked on the show now!)

(The base is now in the midst of a 24/7 _M*A*S*H*_ marathon.)

(No one can get that stupid theme song out of their minds!)

(Blurr gave himself a concussion.)

(*rapidly slapping forehead* Getoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetout!)

**Hunter—67. Never let Wheeljack anywhere near Independence Day festivities.**

(I swear, that mech is a pyromaniac!)

(And whose bright idea was it to let him rig up the firework show?!)

(Raf: " Uh... why are all the fireworks connected together?")

(Bulkhead: " Frag! Run away! **RUN AWAY!**")

(Later: )

(Miko: " That woulda made an **EPIC **action photo! Can we try that again?)

('Jackie: " I'll set it up!"

(Everyone else: " **NO!**")

**Artemis—68. Never let Wheeljack watch _Pok__é__mon_.**

(We all should've known something was up when Wheeljack disappeared into his lab for like three days after watching the first episode.)

(The next thing any of us knows, an actual, living, tangible Pikachu is scampering around the base.)

(The sweet little thing's life-span was about three hours.)

(After that he went nuclear.)

(We are currently in need of a new hangar.)

(Most of the humans are waiting for their eyebrows and hair to grow back.)

(_Pokémon _is banned.)

(The Chevy twins, Lambo twins, Barricade, Wheelie, Leo, Sam and numerous other 'bots and humans are still pissed because of the ban.)

(And it's not Wheeljack they're pissed at.)

(It's me.)

(Because I didn't supervise him as he watched it.)

(What am I, a giant, alien robot babysitter?)

(Everyone: " Yes!")

(Oh-kay then...)

**Bay—69. Don't quote _Steven Universe_.**

(Even though that show is awesome!)

" Okay, your majesty."

(Note to self: )

(Ultra Magnus is not a king.)

(And he doesn't like being referred to as one either.)

" I'm just saying—even if you did leave it with him, he probably broke it, or lost it, or dropped it in Lake Eerie by now."

(Bumblebee concernin' when anythin' is left in Bulkhead's possession.)

(The rest of us would be lyin' if we said we didn't think the same thing.)

" You can't outrun me! We both have short legs!"

(Sari! XDDD)

(She got fed up with 'Bee teasin' her about how he could beat her in a footrace with one stabilizin' servo tied behind his back.)

(The rest of us found it hilarious.)

(Bumbler... not so much...)

" Are we going to keep that thing?"

(Bulkhead concernin' a turtle Sari and I found at the park.)

(Ratchet: " Absolutely not! It's bad enough I have to clean up after you half-wits, I ain't cleanin' up after no stinkin' animal neither.")

(Bumblebee: " We kept Bay.")

(*laughing* He got ya there, Ratch!)

(… Wait...)

(**HEY!**)

" I can't leave you guys alone for a second!"

(Ratchet found Bulkhead and Bumblebee stuck to the giant magnet in the base with Sari and me trapped in their alternate modes.)

(Don't ask how we got up there—it's a long story.)

(And by the way, Ratchet, ya _**can**_ leave us alone for a second.)

(It's right around the two second mark that things start to get a little dicey.)

" I... I thought violence would be the answer."

(Rule #1 when working with the Dinobots: )

(**VIOLENCE IS NEVER THE ANSWER.**)

(Now if you'll excuse me, I gonna go couch on the lay down.)

(*passes out*)

" Some of us are trying to protect humanity!"

(Optimus to Sentinel during another heated argument.)

(True enough, Prime-time.)

(But, that said, there are still some forms of humanity I wonder why we try to protect.)

(Like Powell.)

**Hunter—70. Don't insist upon calling Knockout "Dr. Richard Fabulous".**

(Despite how fitting the name actually is.)

(And it's not the 'Fabulous' part that revs him off either.)

(It's the 'Richard'.)

(" Do I look like a Richard to you?!)

(" Actually, yes.")

(Bumblebee quickly learned that Knockout knows how to wield a buzz-saw.)

* * *

**Good? Bad? Yes? No? Funny? Voldshtein? Any ideas for what other rules to do? If you have some, leave a comment, and, unless you think the idea would be absolutely perfect for a certain girl, don't leave an OC name beside it. I'll decide what rule goes to whom. Yes, I'm a control freak like that. :)**


	11. Chapter 11

** More comin' at'cha! And not my best chapter. **

** Thank you all for your suggestions, and like always, if not found in this chapter, they may be found in another. :)**

** Alice Gone Madd gets credit for #76.**

** Butter4Evaz gets credit for #71.**

** My DA friend Harpessdragon gets credit for #77.**

** tatteredangel gets credit for #73.**

** Alice Gone Madd—XDDDD Poor, Knockout. I've set him up for hell. OH, WELL! **

** sexyandiknowit—IKR? I couldn't resist using that! It's just sooo perfect!**

** Now onward and upward!**

** I do not own Transformers or anything in relation, and it seriously pains me that I don't. I do own my OCs, SO DON'T STEAL THEM OR I WILL COME AFTER YOU AND MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING PIT! Enjoy. :D**

* * *

**Ch. 11**

**Artemis—71. Don't pair Ratchet with Ironhide.**

(It all started on Valentine's Day.)

(Sam and Leo got the idea that it would be fun to play an innocent harmless prank on a certain wrench wielding medic and a trigger-happy weapons' specialist.)

(They were pissed because Ratchet took away their video games for a week and because Ironhide confiscated (i.e. blew up) their Gameboys 'cuz they wouldn't turn the volume down.)

(So, to get back at them, the boys' little "innocent and harmless" prank consisted of two very juicy and border-line lemony valentines, both signed in the above mentioned mechs' names.)

(Surprisingly they actually pulled it off.)

(Ratchet and Ironhide can't look each other in the optic anymore.)

(Have to admit it was pretty funny.)

(Until Ratch and 'Hide blamed me for the fake cards and put me on double cleaning duty for the next month.)

(Sam, Leo, you both better run.)

('Cuz I'm gonna take this mop handle and shove it so far up your asses that you'll be walking shish-ka-bobs.)

(And Primus help anyone who tries to stop me!)

**Bay—72. Don't tell Jetfire and Jetstorm that 'twat' stands for "totally, wicked, awesome technoes".**

(The look on Sentinel's faceplates when the flyboys called him that was totally worth every nano-click of the one hour timeout.)

(Which had to be given to me by Ultra Magnus because Optimus was too busy bustin' a gasket to say anythin'.)

(I don't care how serious he tries to make his poker face.)

(Magnus thought it was funny.)

**Hunter—73. Never throw caution to the wing when quoting Pewdie Pie.**

(I love this dude!)

(He's fraggin' awesome!)

" Yellow is evil, so don't drink your piss."

(It was a discussion during Hybrid class that I was only half-listening to.)

(Greasy asked me if I had anything else to add.)

(Well...)

(I added something!)

" It's not called "being gay", it's called "being **FABULOUS**!"!"

(No, Knockout.)

(It's called "being gay".)

(You can't expect people to not think of you that way when you admire my dad's "sweet rims".)

(The fact that you had your holoform get a no-polish manicure doesn't put up a great case for your "straightness" either.)

(And, all cards on the table, neither does your neon pink buffer.)

" Hey don't fuck with me! I have a drill. I have a drill, mother-fucker."

(Ratchet + Statsis-deprived + High grade = not a good combination.)

(Throw any kind of power-tool into the equation and there's only one thing left to do.)

(Run for your fraggin' lives.)

" Twist my nipples, Epps! **TWIST THEM**!"

(That is the _**last time**_ I do Sarah a favor and go over to the ranch to check on the guys while they're bachin'-it for the weekend!)

(I am totally fine with putting into place the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy for the base.)

(Epps and Will: **WE'RE NOT GAY**!)

" BARRLES!"

(Oh, Fowler! XDD)

(If only you could stay loopy and out of it all the time.)

(Then people might actually like you.)

(Fowler: The emu says "Yeah!"!)

(See what I mean?)

" Dad, I'm a noob!"

(Optimus: Thank you for the update, sweet-spark.)

(You're welcome, Daddy! X3)

" I rode into town on an ass... **YOUR MAMA'S ASS**!"

(Ultra Magnus...)

(You should never, in a million, billion years, go pop culture.)

(Despite what you might think, you're not cool like that.)

(Besides, Jack did not appreciate the comment.)

(And, dude, his mom was standing _**right behind**_ you!)

(I never wanna see June Darby that angry ever again.)

(*whispers* That was even more scary than Megatron.)

" Raptor, I'm not going to make out with you! I told you many time, I'm not going to make out with you!"

(Coincidentally enough, there is a guy named Raptor in my class at Hybrid school.)

(He's a cheater and we sit right next to each other.)

(We had a history test the other day and I caught him sneaking a peek at my paper.)

(Raptor doesn't cheat off me anymore.)

(He doesn't have a girlfriend anymore either.)

(That's not a big loss on her part.)

" What the hell did I just do? Oh! It's a song! *dances*"

(I don't wanna know what Miko did to Wheeljack's stuff.)

(And I don't wanna know.)

(Just keep the fire extinguisher on hand.)

(And get ready to run for your lives.)

" This is totally... this is totally... SHUT UP. Don't do it."

(Miko and I should've listened to Raf.)

(Mattress surfing down the catwalk stairs was _**really**_ not a good idea.)

(Oh, don't worry, she's okay.)

(I'm the one who face-planted into the floor.)

(And left a _**huge **_dent.)

(Arcee said she always knew I was a hard head.)

(Dad didn't comment.)

" **I NEVER FUCKING LIKED YOU, TIDE**!"

(Epps does not like stains on his clothes.)

" You go first, girl."

(Me: " But, Dad, I don't want tooooo!")

(Whenever we have to enter Smokescreen's room for some reason or other.)

(The horror...)

(The horror!)

" Alright, what's the plan? Run for it! Bad plan. Plan B! **FUCK SHIT UP**! And die. That's good."

(Okay.)  
(Remind me again whose idea it was to let Smokescreen make the plan?)

**Artemis—74. Always be prepared to have a replacement inspirational speaker on hand when Optimus (Dad) is unable to perform said task.**

(And I cannot be the replacement.)

(Everyone learned that the hard way when new recruits came to the base and Dad was undergoing some much needed repairs.)

(I'm pretty sure Will's and Epps' line of thinking was: " Let's just throw Artemis out there since she's the living AllSpark. How much damage can she possibly do?")

(Evidently, a_** lot**_.)

(I've never given a public speech before.)

(And it showed.)

(The welcome part was okay.)

(It was the inspirational part that got a little sketchy.)

(" I want to relieve you an any preconceived notions you might have about this place, men. It's gonna be hard. And by "hard" I mean "deadly". Half of you probably won't make it past the first mission. You'll be crushed, blown up, ripped apart, and over all killed.")

(Yeah...)  
(Half of the recruits transferred out the next day.)

(It's officially been decided that I'm never allowed to give a speech to the new guys ever again.)

(Hey, say what you want.)

(I weed out the wussies.)

**Bay—75. Never underestimate the reach and impact of Bieber-fever.**

(Yes, it's actually a rule.)

(All you need to know is that it has to do with Sentinel.)

(The Bieb should be very happy to know that he has a walking attitude problem for a Belieber.)  
(For the record, none of us were surprised.)

**Hunter—76. Don't call Knockout 'cherry red'.**

(He's not 'cherry red'.)

(He's 'berry red'.)

(Totally different colors, people.)

(*rolls eye*)

**Artemis—77. Do establish the difference between 'waxing' and '_waxing_'.**

(Ironhide wanted to know what Mikeala, Sarah, the other women of N.E.S.T., and I do to our legs that causes us to yelp and wince.)

(He laughed when we replied: " Waxing.")

(He didn't understand how waxing could be painful.)

(He thought of it as a message that makes him look shiny and new.)

(Apparently he didn't know there's more than one kind of waxing.)

(He definitely knows the difference now.)

(I never knew you could wax the hair off a holoform.)

(So gross yet so weirdly cool at the same time.)

* * *

**Good? Bad? Yes? No? Funny? Voldshtein? Any ideas for what other rules to do? If you have some, leave a comment, and, unless you think the idea would be absolutely perfect for a certain girl, don't leave an OC name beside it. I'll decide what rule goes to whom. Yes, I'm a control freak like that. :)**


	12. Chapter 12

** More comin' at'cha! And not my best chapter. **

** Thank you all for your suggestions, and like always, if not found in this chapter, they may be found in another. :)**

** My DA friend GreenHa gets credit for #78.**

** ManyGamePlayer gets credit for #79.**

** poisontail gets credit for #'s 80 and 82.**

** kikigraysonwest gets credit for #81. **

** shadowstreak gets credit for #83.**

** sentinel hater gets credit for #84.**

** Alice Gone Madd—I loved writing that one. XDDDDD**

** Buter4Evaz—Anytime and thanks. :)**

** ManyGamePlayer—I'm glad you enjoyed it.**

** sentinel hater—I am so pleased to meet another sentinel hater. WELCOME! *embraces you ***

** satoshidragon4—HERE'S MORE! :DDD**

** MISCrasyaboutfanfics—I'm glad you find this funny. XDD**

** Now, on to the rules!**

** I do not own Transformers or anything in relation, and it seriously pains me that I don't. I do own my OCs, SO DON'T STEAL THEM OR I WILL COME AFTER YOU AND MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING PIT! Enjoy. :D**

* * *

**Ch. 12**

**Bay—78. Don't introduce Bumblebee to Sonic the Hedgehog.**

('Bee has a serious ego-trip problem.)

(I mean, it ain't as bad as Sentinel's, but yeah.)

(It's still bad.)

(And he doesn't like the idea of anybody or anything bein' faster than him.)

(So when Sonic came into the picture, Bumbler just about had a conniption.)

(Now he won't stop ravvin' about how he's gonna challenge Sonic to a race and show him who's fastest once and for all.)

(That oughta be interesting considerin' Sonic ain't _**real**_!)

(God forbid he ever hears about Quicksilver.)

(Or the Flash.)

('Cuz he does, the rest of us just might have to kill him.)

**Hunter—79. Never combine markers and windshields.**

(Not a good combination.)

(Especially when said markers are sharpies.)

(Annabelle's little brother Derek is at the age where he loves to color anything and everything.)

(He also loves Smokescreen [why is beyond me].)

(So it's only natural to combine the two.)  
(Smokey adores Derek [he'll never admit it] so he just didn't have the spark to say no.)

(That's why Smokescreen is currently covered in a rainbow of toddler scribbles.)

(I don't know how the kid got a hold of the the sharpies.)

(All I know is that Derek's terrible-twos are killing Smokescreen.)

**Artemis—80. Don't watch _The Suite Life of Zack and Cody_ or _The Suite Life On Deck_.**

(Both shows have been officially banned.)

(They give the twins way too many ideas.)

(Which set of twins?)  
(It doesn't really matter. -_-)

**Bay—81. Never watch _Adventure Time_ with the 'bots.**

(Just so we're clear, I don't even lie the show anyway.)

(But Sari does.)  
(And Bulkhead.)

(And—shocker—so does Bumblebee.)

(Optimus is confused by it.)

(Prowl glitched when he saw the dog stretch like it does.)  
(Ratchet banned it.)

(Not because he doesn't understand it or because the dog stretches like taffy.)

(Because the dog had puppies with a unicorn.)

(I don't even wanna imagine how that could be pulled off.)

**Hunter—82. Never give Annabelle the TV remote and leave her alone with it.**

(I was watching her.)

(Then I had to leave the room in order to help Jack, Miko, and Raf clean up a big mess that someone—*coughs* Miko—made in the energon stock-pile room.)

(So I gave Annabelle the TV remote and told her to find something watch while I was gone.)

(Her parents don't usually let her use the remote unsupervised, but I figured: what the heck?)

(She's seven, old enough to know what she can and can't watch.)

(Besides, what could possibly go wrong?)

(Even with my help, the clean took a little bit longer than we expected.)

(When I finally got back to Annabelle, she was staring in both confusion and terror at the TV screen.)

(Turns out she'd channel-surfed per my advice and had found _Family Guy_.)

(Her line of thinking: )

("It's a cartoon, so that means I can watch it right?")

(So she watched full episode of _Family Guy_ and half an episode of _American Dad_ before I finally came back and shut off the TV.)

(Consequently both shows are now banned.)

(I've never felt so conflicted before.)  
(Part me hopes that 'Belle doesn't start asking me questions about what the people on there were doing.)  
(Another part of me hopes she so that Will and Sarah don't find out that I let their daughter watch the shows.)

(Unintentionally or not, Lennox will have my head on a platter.)

(I don't think I wanna find out how I'd come back to life after decapitation.)

(*grimaces* Ewww...)

**Artemis—83. Don't play/sing any of the following songs.**

*Nyan Cat

(Sunny and Sides thought it'd be funny to play a prank on me.)

(For some reason, I'm always their first choice as target.)

(I have what you might call super-hearing and can hear sounds that regular 'bots and humans can't.)

(So the terror twins rigged up some sort of device that would play the 'Nyan Cat' song at a frequency that only I could hear over the intercom.)

(In a continuous loop.)

(All day long.)

(People thought I was insane as I ran around base, trying to find the source of the song screaming things like: )  
(" When I find you, I'll kill you!")

(" Why won't it stop?! Make it stop! Make it stop!")

(" Shut up!")

(And...)

(" **GET OUT OF MY HEAD!**")

(I finally broke down and had a conniption.)

(I think I scratched all of the enamel off my teeth...)

*Do You Like Waffles?

(Bumblebee, Jazz, and I ran around the base singing it.)

(" Do you like waffles?")

(Epps and Lennox: " Hell yeah!")

(" Do you like pancakes?")

(Galloway: " No.")

(We all stopped singing after that.)

(Mr. Head-up-his-ass killed the vibe.)

(Imagine that.)

*Barbie Girl

(Savannah loves this song.)

(So does Mikaela.)

(They spent a whole week working up a dance routine for it for the N.E.S.T. talent show [my and Bee's idea].)

(Unfortunately, everyone heard the song so much and got so sick of it that by the time the show came around nobody could stand it.)

('Vannah and 'Kaela came out on the stage and the second the song started playing Ironhide blew up the sound system.)

(Thus was the end of 'Barbie Girl'.)

(And the talent show.)

(And nearly Savannah, Mikaela and any other 'bot and human that was within close proximity of the blast.)

(Thanks for the heads up, 'Hide.)

(*eye roll*)

*Narwhals

(Apparently this song freaks the Chevies out.)

(It all has to do with the 'just don't let them touch your balls' line.)

(I honestly don't understand why they're worried.)

(Wink, wink, nudge, nudge for all of you dense people out there.)

*What Does the Fox Say?

(Dad's optic is still twitching.)

(So is 'Cade's.)

(And 'Hide's.)

(And even Jazz's.)

(Prowl glitched.)  
(Ratchet threw a wrench at Leo for introducing them to the song in the first place.)

*Depressing Song

(Okay, not gonna lie, I almost like this song better than the one it's a parody of.)

(Red Alert hates it.)

(It makes him cry.)

(I tried to explain to him that, as a parody, it's meant to be funny.)

(He asked how.)

(So I showed him the original version.)

(_**Huge**_ mistake.)

(Red ran crying to his room.)

(That was nearly _**eight hours ago**_!)

(He hasn't stopped bawling since.)

*Askin' All Them Questions

(There are certain things that only black guys can make cool and white guys can't.)

(Sam, Miles, Leo—you guys are not black!)  
(Epps: Damn straight!)

*She Ratcheeeet!

(Do I even need to go into detail here of why this is a horrible idea?)

**Bay—84. Never say anything to a 'bot with an already seriously huge ego that will only help to inflate his ego even more.**

(i.e. Sentinel Prime.)

(What the heck was I thinkin'?!)

(Me: "Ya know, Sentinel, I gotta say that that shield and sword of yours are pretty epic.")

(Everyone else including Ultra Magnus: " **BAY, NO! WHY?!**"

(**I AM A TOTAL IDIOT!**)

(*sweat drop* Sorry, guys!)

(I will _**not**_ compliment Sentinel Prime.)

(I will _**not**_ compliment Sentinel Prime.)

(I will _**not**_ compliment Sentinel Prime.)

(I will _**not **_compliment Sentinel Prime...)

* * *

**Good? Bad? Yes? No? Funny? Voldshtein? Any ideas for what other rules to do? If you have some, leave a comment, and, unless you think the idea would be absolutely perfect for a certain girl, don't leave an OC name beside it. I'll decide what rule goes to whom. Yes, I'm a control freak like that. :)**


	13. Chapter 13

** More comin' at'cha! And not my best chapter. **

** Thank you all for your suggestions, and like always, if not found in this chapter, they may be found in another. :)**

** MISCrasyaboutfanfics gets credit for #86.**

** kikigraysonwest gets credit for #86.**

** luna gets credit for #88.**

** nobleboivin gets credit for #89.**

** Alice Gone Madd gets credit for #91.**

** Now onto the rules!**

** I do not own Transformers or anything in relation, and it seriously pains me that I don't. I only own my OCs, SO DON'T STEAL THEM OR I WILL COME AFTER YOU AND MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING PIT! Enjoy. :D **

* * *

**Ch. 13**

**Hunter—85. Never call me by the following nicknames.**

*Tidbit

(Duh!)

(For one, Bombardier called me that.)  
(For two, I'm _**way**_ taller than you, Miko!)

*Little one

(Dad is the exception.)

(Anybody else gets threatened.)

(And you only get warned once.)

(Call me that after the warning and you get clocked.)

(Ask Smokescreen.)

(Once he gets out of med-bay.)

*My shooting star

(Dad is the only one who can call me that.)

(I am his shooting star and his shooting star only!)

(Anybody else who calls me that is a thief, a hack, and a bunko artist.)

*Blow-a-Fuse-er

(I can sometimes have a really bad temper.)

(And my title makes it really easy to tie that to it.)

(Warning: call me that you will see just how bad I can actually blow a fuse.)

*Stephano

(Okay, seriously, guys, it's not funny!)

(Stop!)

**Artemis—86. Never allow certain Autobots to play Monopoly together.**

(That would be both sets of twins, Jazz, and Ironhide.)

(First of all, they will have a steel-cage death match over who gets the car if you don't specifically assign them their playing pieces.)

(Once the game gets going, the Lambo twins will cheat.)

(The Chevy twins will try to.)

(Then they catch each other trying to cheat.)  
(There goes steel-cage death match number two.)

(While they're fighting, Jazz and 'Hide will keep playing.)

(Jazz will blare his music at a deafening volume in order to distract 'Hide.)

(He will succeed.)

('Hide will then proceed to blow up the board in order to keep from losing.)

(That leads to steel-cage death match number 3.)

(You will lose your sanity.)

(Trust me, I know.)

(It's like babysitting giant, metal toddlers.)

**Bay—87. Don't watch the show_ Inuyasha_ with the 'bots.**

(They will ask ya to explain it.)

(And, honestly, I have no friggin' idea how.)

**Hunter—88. Never underestimate someone's power.**

(Two guys in my Hybrid class did that with me once.)

(Then they saw me go into the Primus-state.)

(I loved the one guy's reaction best.)

(" Her power... **IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAND!**)

(And you better believe it!)

**Artemis—89. Never let Whirl get a hold of a pet.**

(He can get very possessive.)

(Poor Mojo.)

(He tried to grab Tempest, but she bit his holoform in the crotch before her could grab her.)

(Castration by canine!)

(I have the best dog ever!)

**Bay—90. Never leave my brother alone with any of the 'bots.**

(Marshall was down with a could the other day and of course Mom and Dad had to work so I had to stay home and take care of him.)  
(Optimus stopped by in the afternoon and it was a good thing too.)

(I was startin' to lose my mind!)

(Marshall is the worst patient.)

(He moans and groans like he's dyin'.)

(Not to mention how he whines and complains about everything little thing.)

(" Bay, I'm too hot!")

(" Bay, I'm too cold!")

(" Bay, I'm hungry!")

(" Bay, this soup has too much chicken and noodles.")  
(" Now it has too much broth!")

(" I don't like this orange juice.")

(I was _**this close**_ to skinnin' him alive!)

(Optimus just laughed.)  
(He didn't see how one young, bedridden human could be so much trouble.)  
(So I made him a deal.)

(If he watched Marshall for a couple hours, I'd fill out his Elite Guard report for Ultra Magnus.)  
(He agreed.)  
(I think Optimus quickly learned who had the better end of the deal.)

(He looked pretty rattled and rough when I came back to take over baby-sitting duty again.)

(Me: " So, how'd it go, Prime-time?")

(Optimus: " I. Hate. You.")

(As payback I'm stuck riding wit Prowl for the next week.)

(Touché, Optimus.)  
(Touché. -_-)

**Hunter—91. Never throw mud at Knockout.**

(Miko.)

(Or if you do, make sure that Annabelle is not around because she'll start doing it too!)  
(I do not wanna be the one to tell the Lennoxes that their daughter got blown up by a Decepticon!)

(Because if I do that, Will will blow _**me**_ up!)

(And when I come back to life I'll blow _**you **_up!)

(And you're not blessed with sixteen lives, Miko!)

* * *

**Good? Bad? Yes? No? Funny? Voldshtein? Any ideas for what other rules to do? If you have some, leave a comment, and, unless you think the idea would be absolutely perfect for a certain girl, don't leave an OC name beside it. I'll decide what rule goes to whom. Yes, I'm a control freak like that. :)**


	14. Author's Note

Guys, I'm afraid I have some bad news.

I have currently begun college and am taking several classes that require lots of reading and writing. I think my history class will take up the most time because, even though I don't really have too much writing in that class, I have to read quite and bit and then write to book reviews, the first of which is due the 25th of this month, and any of the book choices that that I'm going to have to read are all around 200 some pages. It's excruciating for me to read anything I'm not truly interested in, but it has to be done and I have yet to even decide which book to read. So I don't know when I'll be able to even think about my fanfictions let alone actually write them. Thus, I've decided that I'm going to have to drop writing fanfiction for the time being.

I hate doing this, I've literally cried over the decision because I swore to myself that I wouldn't let college take over my writing time, but I don't see any other option. If I wasn't taking the history class and was just taking the other classes I'm sure I'd still be able to write, but that's not the case. So, until further notice, _**everything**_ is on hiatus.

Will I quit writing completely? No. Absolutely not! I love writing fanfiction and I will comeback to it... it just won't happen right away. I will try to keep a place on all of my websites by corresponding over phone, but the only think I can do there is respond to/submit PMs, so I'll try and keep in touch.  
Guys, you don't know how much this is killing me. It's like slitting my virtual wrists with a virtual knife. I hate to do it. I don't want to do it. But I don't see any other solution.

Until we meet again.


	15. Chapter 15

**More comin' at'cha!**

**TheGhost129 gets credit for #93.**

**nobleboivin gets credit for #97.**

**Once again, thanks for the suggestions, people. And if one that you submitted doesn't make it into this chapter, you might be able to find it in an upcoming chapter.**

**I do not own Transformers or anything in relation, and it seriously pains me that I don't. I only own my OCs, SO DON'T STEAL THEM OR I WILL COME AFTER YOU AND MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING PIT! Enjoy. :D**

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**Ch. 14**

**Artemis—92. Always use a shock collar for its intended purpose **_**only**_**.**

(First of all, you should know that after I fully transformed into the Living AllSpark, my mom moved into the same community as the Witwicky family.)

(Right next door.)

(Yup, we're neighbors with the Witwickies.)

(Which is why I'm insanely happy I live at the Autobot base.)

(Every time I go back home to visit though, I somehow always end up spending a lot of time over at the Witwicky household.)

(Especially when Sam's there.)  
(I love to make his life hell.)

(It's payback for how he makes my life hell.

(BTW, Sammy, the twins are still sleeping in my bed because they're still freaked out of Slenderman.)

(THANK YOU VERY MUCH!)

(Anyway, the other day I was visiting my mom.)  
(Sam, Leo, Miles, Mikaela, and 'Bee were all over at the Witwicky house, so I went over to hang out with them.)

(The highlight of the day was the fact that Judy had purchased a shock collar for Frankie, so she'd stop barking so much.)

(Mikaela made this comment about how she'd seen these YouTube videos where people would test the shock collars out on themselves to see how they could deal with the pain.)

(That quickly morphed into a challenge.)

(The person who could go the longest without flinching would get twenty bucks.)

(Mikaela and 'Bee opted out because they're smart.)

(I stayed in because—hello!—it's money!)

(Sam, Miles, and Leo all stayed in because it's money and because they're all dumbasses.)

(I took on the challenge first.)

(I went all six levels.)

(Didn't flinch once.)

(After seeing that, Leo got cocky.)

("If she can take it without screaming and she's a little girl, I can totally take it on!")

(Level one was way more than Leo's baby-skin could handle.)

(He started screaming at the top of his lungs which, of course, only caused the collar to keep shocking him, thus going up a level each time until it reached the sixth level.)

(It continued to shock him on the sixth because the idiot couldn't figure out to stop screaming in order to make it stop shocking him.)

(The thing started smoking!)

(Literally!)

(I probably should've shorted it out long before it started doing that but I was too busy dying of laughter along with everyone else in order to do so.)

(Leo is currently being treated by Ratchet for the burns around his neck.)

(He still doesn't understand how I didn't flinch.)

(Uh, Leo, maybe you didn't get the memo that, as the AllSpark, I have electrokenesis.)

(Electrokenesis as in the ability to control electricity.)

(The ability to control electricity as in canceling out the electric charge of the collar so that it doesn't shock me.)

(Hence why I didn't flinch!)

**Bay—93. Never use frozen waffles for anything besides eating.**

(Optimus and I had an argument.)

(I wanted to go help thrash Decepticons, but he didn't want me to go because he was worried I'd get hurt.)

(In his defense, he really does have every right to worry.)

(My first encounter with Megatron put me in a coma.)

(But I was still ticked!)

(I was getting really mad and needed to throw somethin' at him and, since I was making y breakfast at the time, I grabbed a frozen waffle of my plate and chucked it at him.)  
(Turns out my aim was better than I thought.)

(The waffle ended up hitting OP in the optic and cracked the lens.)

(I've never seen Prime-time in that much pain before—it was terrible!)

(I felt so bad in fact that I practically grounded myself and gave myself extra cleaning duty.)

(Do ya have any idea how awkward it is to give yourself a lecture regardin' your behavior?)

(Waggin' a finger at yourself no less?)

**Hunter—94. Don't sing the song 'I Like to Swing my Sword'.**

(Despite how epically awesome it is, Dad's star-saber is not made of diamonds.)

(Neither is my flame-saber.)

(So the song does not apply to either of them.)

(That doesn't stop me from singing the song every time I hacking through Decepticons with my sword though.)

(And Dad hums it while he's cleaning his.)

(No, really he does.)

(I've heard him.)

(He's even better at hitting the falsetto notes than Tobuscus is!)

(Not sure I wanna know why….)

**Artemis—95. Always use random, illogical facts when battling Shockwave.**

(2x + 45 = it's over nine thousaaaaaand!)

(Works every time.)

**Bay—96. Don't say stereotypical robotic phrases in a robotic voice.**

(Unless you are doing it while referrin' to Sentinel.)

(Then have at it.)

(The phrase "Does not compute" really grinds his gears.)

(Honestly, Sentinel, how could you expect me to not use it?)

(I mean, even Megatron knows what a unicorn is!)

(Oh, he'll never admit it.)

(But, believe me, he does.)

(How else do you explain the pictures I got of him snugglin' with a blue stuffed unicorn and suckin' his thumb digit while he's sleepin'?)

(Turns out Starscream is good for one thing.)

(Helpin' acquire blackmail.)

**Hunter—97. Never let Wheeljack get a hold of coffee creamer.**

(*rubs temple* Oy….)

(We _**really**_ need to get a parental block put on _Mythbusters_….)

**Artemis—98. Always say 'Uranus' not 'Ur-anus'.**

(Prowl couldn't understand why all us humans were laughing at him.)  
(We tried to explain it to him.)

(He still didn't get it.)

("Why are you laughing Ur-anus?)

(I. Could not. Breathe!)

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**Good? Bad? Yes? No? Funny? Voldshtein? Any ideas for what other rules to do? If you have some, leave a comment, and, unless you think the idea would be absolutely perfect for a certain girl, don't leave an OC name beside it. I'll decide what rule goes to whom. Yes, I'm a control freak like that. :)**


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